Katy Perry Is Probably Banging Chris Martin

Katy Perry


Katy Perry performed at the 2017 Glastonbury Festival  this weekend, because British people also have bad taste in music. She also wore some weird catsuit(?) with crystals all over it and the Illuminati eye in the middle of it. No clue why. Probably something about Trump that she thinks we’re too dumb to understand. Unlike like her lyrics, which are dumb enough so everyone can understand. She’s also probably banging Chris Martin.

She has a penchant for British men and he’s reportedly newly single. And Coldplay frontman Chris Martin and Katy Perry certainly seemed to get on like a house on fire as they partied together at the UK’s Glastonbury music festival over the weekend, following Katy’s set….an onlooker spied the two musicians holding hands as they watched Stormzy together on Saturday night. A source said: ‘Chris and Katy were walking hand in hand through the hospitality area and looked like they were really enjoying each other’s company. ‘She was wearing a big coat and hood to hide her face but kept whispering in his ear and laughing. ‘As soon as a fan recognised her, though, she dropped Chris’s hand and they both raced into the Winnebago area,’ adding that ‘they were sticking together for the whole evening.’

Holding hands is cute and sweet and whatever, but if you’re over 21, a dude doesn’t hold hands with a chick unless he’s gay and running to brunch, or he’s not gay and has has her nipples in his mouth in the last 6 hours. In the last 12 hours if it’s been 24 hours since he’s had her nipples in his mouth. So if you ever wanted to bang Katy Perry, and you’re a moderately talented white musician, shoot your shot.