Meanwhile in Australia: New Sex Ed Campaign Compares Consent to Milkshakes, Chivalrously Suggests Females Wearing Short Skirts Want More Sex

In the course of a lifetime, there are moments when you simply nail it. Then again, sometimes you end up in the hospital screaming at a bunch of strangers to reattach your severed thumb. This is one of those times.

To be fair, sex education has always been an awkward proposition. A class taught by an adult (who no one wants to imagine naked) filled with bad euphemisms, bizarre reenactments, and demonstrations that are scarring (at best). But the thorniness of educating horniness is no one’s fault. After all, teaching someone about sex is like trying to explain to a bunch of Himalayan mountain men what swimming in the ocean is. You really can’t picture it until you get there, and even after you enter the water, there’s still so much to learn.

So while every sex ed class has some degree of dysfunction, no one has failed quite as spectacularly as Australia. In an effort to rebrand sex education for a new generation, the government launched a comprehensive website called The Good Society. But the site, filled with, um, questionable information is being lambasted by the entire planet. And for good reason.

A featured video illustrating “consent” shows a girl smearing her milkshake onto a boy’s face without his permission (even David Lynch couldn’t follow the narrative of that one.) The wayward metaphors continue with “eating tacos,” “eating pizza,” and “touching your butt,” which we’re pretty sure isn’t a metaphor, but an actual sexual advance that requires consent.

But the fun doesn’t stop there. Like our dorky step-dad, the new education program tries to create its own hip sex lingo. From “action zone” (for anyone hot to trot) to “end zone” (a confusing term for “no” since that’s where touchdowns are scored), The Good Society underscores just how perplexed and out of touch they are (sorry, Gen X).

Peek the video below:

While this video is truly a goldmine of embarrassments, it gets worse. In the section listing sex myths and norms, the website files “males like to have sex more than females” and “females that wear short skirts want sex” under “norms.” It’s almost as if the entire course was created by the nerds in a John Hughes movie.

With much of the Australian government currently caught in a sex scandal, the truth might just be that these aren’t mistakes at all, but the sincere beliefs of terribly outdated educators trapped like bugs in misogyny amber. Or maybe it’s just another byproduct of the Coriolis effect, where everything is the opposite of what it’s supposed to be. In that case, this whole thing makes perfect sense. Well done, Australia.

Cover Photo: 4×6 (Getty Images)

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