Cover Photo: tostphoto (Getty Images). Cover Tweet: @TheDweck
When a week dies, a collection of funniest tweets is born from it for your twisted Twitter-loving pleasure. If you missed last week’s tweets, we highly recommend you not skip your weekly dose of laughs, if nothing else for your health.
Enjoy this heaping pile of hilarity, then scurry off into your weekend, but first, remember to follow these fine folks on Twitter. Their blood, sweat and tweets did not come easily, but again, neither did your weekend. Side effects include loss of bladder control, heart palpitations and unplanned crying.
Tweet yourself to these, then follow us @Mandatory on Twitter.
If smoking marijuana causes short-term memory loss, what does smoking marijuana do?
— David Crosby (@thedavidcrosby) January 31, 2019
Eh it’s better than Fyre Fest organizer https://t.co/Cjeay6IyCw
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) February 1, 2019
if u worked at a movie theatre would u check underneath my hat for cool ranch doritos be honest pic.twitter.com/BKnKElBrdQ
— James (@CaucasianJames) February 1, 2019
https://twitter.com/AndrewWrites/status/1090990590156783627
Scan any large crowd scene in a major motion picture and imagine me crawling through on all fours trying to find the pistachio I dropped.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) February 1, 2019
“LIVE FROM NEW YORK, IT’S SATURDAY AAAAAAAND!!!!” https://t.co/JVIbsUh3RB
— Chris Evans (@ChrisEvans) January 31, 2019
Osama Bin Laden was unavailable for comment. https://t.co/edFqSkvh9z
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) January 31, 2019
Found something new to say when I leave a room. pic.twitter.com/FzkCVjuQBn
— RichNeville (@RichNeville) January 31, 2019
Casper’s parents were anti-vaxers. There, I said it.
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) January 30, 2019
I’m so stressed. I think I need to disconnect and unwind.
*watches 7 Netflix murder documentaries in a row*
— Joanna Hausmann Jatar (@Joannahausmann) January 31, 2019
If you haven’t yet: Today’s Mandatory Funny Photos
I just found out about non-alcoholic coffee.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) January 27, 2019
https://twitter.com/WhitneyCummings/status/1091200878693019649
https://twitter.com/JimCarrey/status/1088900566355341312
Please stop making sex robots, if I want to have sex I’ll do it the way God intended: By making a regular robot fall in love with me.
— Andrew Nadeau (@TheAndrewNadeau) February 1, 2019
I don't like doing laundry but I love having done it.
— Michael McKean (@MJMcKean) January 30, 2019
