The 14 Funniest Dirty Jokes Of All Time

Tired of getting one-upped in the jokes department? We’ve got just the list for you. Granted, you should make sure you are in proper company, as this particular batch is a little raunchier than most. But bust one of these out at a friendly gathering and you’re sure to be the life of the party…or the guy everyone is creeped out by and asking “who’s weird uncle is that?” Either way, you won’t soon be forgotten.

Q: Why is sex like a game of bridge?
A: If you have a good hand, you don’t need a partner.

Q: Why doesn’t Santa have any children?
A: He only comes once a year — and when he does, it’s down a chimney.

funniest dirty jokes, funny jokes
Q: What’s long and hard and has cum in it?
A: A cucumber.

Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, “I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!” The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!”

Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A: Why are you shaking? She’s going to eat me!

funniest dirty jokes, funny jokes
Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A: A rip off.

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench, and a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.
The first lady had a stroke, the second lady had a stroke, and the third lady’s arm was too short to reach.

Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
A: For fingering a minor.

funniest dirty jokes, funny jokes
Q: What are the three shortest words in the English language?
A: Is it in?

Q: What is long, hard, and full of seamen?
A: A submarine

Q: What do a Rubik’s Cube and a penis have in common?
A: The longer you play with them, the harder they get.

funniest dirty jokes, funny jokes
Q: What’s the difference between being hungry and horny?
A: Where you put the cucumber.

Q: What did the penis say to the condom?
A: Cover me, I’m going in!

Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: “How do you breath through something so small?”

funniest dirty jokes, funny jokes
Related: 13 Funny Pickup Lines