Celebrity Men’s Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts At A Mustache

Of all the worst and most disturbing mustaches, you’ll be surprised at how many of them belong to celebrity men, people with money who are viciously monitored by society. Here are some of celebrity mustachioed men’s most pathetic attempts at honing the art of the dirt lip. Mustache? More like must-not-ache! We can’t all be as classy as “Magnum P.I.” now, can we?

Michael Cera

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

The once adorable adolescent-looking actor grew a mustache and then just started looking like every other creep in town. We caught a glimpse of it on film with “Youth in Revolt.” Just kidding, we love Michael, and we still pee a little when we watch “Superbad.”

John Travolta

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

He’s been in “Grease” and faced off with Nic Cage, the infamous actor of many terrible hair styles. Travolta, who’s brought plenty of hilarious attention to himself, only makes things worse with the plastic surgery, scientology and, of course, the creepy pencil-thin stache, which can be seen in the caper film, “The Taking of Pelham 123.”

Daniel Craig

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

Just because he is no longer our Bond doesn’t mean he can just go grossing everyone out with this near-pedophile strawberry blonde lip hair. Craig sported the blondish mustache in 2009 for a role on Broadway. You think he can get a Bond Girl with this look? Makes you wonder who the next Bond will be.

Colin Farrell

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

The Irish actor you wouldn’t guess has an accent also has a difficult time pulling off a respectable dirt lip. Farrell has been seen in a number of instances with such facial hair, most recently in the might-be canceled crime thriller, HBO’s “True Detective.”

Tom Hanks

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

He’s been on a deserted island with a hefty beard, went blonde for Clint Eastwood’s new film and, as you can see, has also gone all gym teacher on us with a thick mustache. He’s been quoted saying, “I can’t grow a mustache.” Well, Tom, awareness is the first step. We’ve seen Hanks with one in “Road to Perdition” and “Saving Mr. Banks,” but this puppy takes the cake.

James Franco

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

He sported corn rows in “Spring Breakers,” flown around like a crazed wacko in “Spider-Man 3” and done any number of art projects we can’t keep up with, but Franco got our attention most when he moved the hair from his head to his lip.

Channing Tatum

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

Magic Mike might’ve had to take some time off to come up with this mouth mask for the 2011 thriller “The Son of No One.” Most girls will tell you he’s the dreamboat they’d like to ride, but we’re guessing those girls never saw him with pudding on his upper lip.

Jack Black

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

Jack is hilarious, but he has to try pretty hard at times, it seems. If we were any kind of friend, we’d tell Mr. Black that the lip fungus is not the way to go. Though it was appropriate for “Bernie,” it’s just not “appropes” for public.

Nicholas Cage

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

Of all the worst Nic Cage hairstyles, his mustaches seem to take the prize. Name any Nic Cage movie, and, dollars to donuts, he’s either rocking a funky do (“Con Air”) or an insane mustache “Raising Arizona.”

Michael Jordan

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

To say that Michael Jordan’s near-there Hitler mustache for Hanes was iconic might be using the wrong word. It definitely made a statement that says, “Only Michael Jordan can pull this off.”

Vince Vaughn

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

Appropriately so, Vince Vaughn had the nasty throwback “stache” for the retro-fitted villain role in “Starsky & Hutch,” costarring Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson. The classic handlebar mustache made its way into public a few times, but luckily those days are done.

Matthew McConaughey

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

Although his lonesome lip hair in the 2013 Oscar-worthy “Dallas Buyers Club” was one of the least attractive roles for the once Sexiest Man Alive, McConaughey was allowed the prestigious honor based on his sporting of one of the best mustaches ever as well in 1993’s “Dazed & Confused:”

Celebrity Men's Most Pathetic and Creepy Attempts at Mustaches

But what does it all mean? What Your Facial Hair Says About You