The Top Ten Craziest Movie Heists

Louis Leterrier’s Now You See Me is going to be released in theaters on May 31st of this year. The film follows a group of professional magicians and sleight-of-hand artists who, in addition to performing incredible feats of on-stage magic, are also breaking into bank vaults and stealing vast amounts of cash that they will, in turn, give to their audiences. While the film;s secrets are still being kept, there are rumors that the magicians may use high-tech teleportation machines, secret accomplices, or perhaps even real magic to achieve this. In terms of Hollywood thrillers, any of those possibilities sound pretty cool. In the tradition of good old-fashioned heist flick, this is wonderfully crazy.

Heist movies, in the traditional sense, are all laid out in pretty much the same way: An enterprising leader will assemble a ragtag team of would-be criminals, each with a particular talent. There will be one man, for example, who is small enough to sneak into vault through tiny passages. There might be another who is an expert at picking locks. Yet another may be enlisted thanks to his knowledge of explosives. The team will then lay out their plan in detail: They will break into a well-protected room, sneak past or incapacitate well-armed guards, open an uncrackable safe, and somehow sneak out of the building with a huge pile of cash, heavy lumps of gold, or a rare and valuable artifact of some kind. This is storytelling at its most trim and efficient. Gather stock characters, give them a goal, have them achieve the goal. Along the way, we’ll get to know the thieves intimately, some of their motivations, and maybe why they desperately need to break into a protected building to steal a great bloody lump of cash. They may or may not be successful, and there may be several heists. Some heist movies feature serial bank thieves. But they are almost always compelling, provided the heist is clever enough.

And often, the heist is so bonkers or so ambitious, it reaches into crazy territory. As when magicians conduct heists while they’re on stage. Sometimes bank thieves exist in a movie so wonderfully weird, the trim heist storyline is mutated into something else altogether.

In regard to Now You See Me, CraveOnline has come up with the following ten crazy movie heists. These are not necessarily the best heist movies (films like Rififi, Heist, Heat, Dog Day Afternoon, and Bob le Flambeur will not appear on this list). These are heists from movies that are so weird and ambitious, they’ll make you a little cross-eyed.

Entrapment (dir. John Amiel, 1999)

This pretty forgettable thriller from 1999 was nominated for several Razzie awards when it came out, and doesn’t have too much going for it in terms of character, story, or drama. It is notable, however, for two things: One; a training montage wherein Catherine Zeta-Jones, wearing a pair of very, very tight spandex pants, contorts her callipygian figure under carefully-placed laser beams. And two; The film’s final heist wherein Zeta-Jones and Sean Connery sneak into The Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur to illegally transfer $8 billion into their bank accounts. Eight billion. With a “B.” I think that’s the largest heist in movie history. And since the heist was achieved with computers right at the end of 1999, it also ups the crazy factor that the thieves used the facade of a Y2K virus to black out the towers on the way out. Dated to 2013 audiences, but… Eight billion dollars? If your share was only four billion, what would you spend it on? What would you buy? Lucasfilm?

Ocean’s Eleven (dir. Steven Soderbergh, 2001)

A pretty classical setup, paired with a wry and slick sense of humor, made for one of Soderbergh’s more successful and oft-celebrated films. Ocean’s Eleven follows the pattern closely: A fearless leader named Danny Ocean(George Clooney) and his sidekick (Brad Pitt) enlist a ragtag group of nine criminals (Matt Damon, Eddie Jemison, Elliot Gould, Carl Reiner, Don Cheadle, Bernie Mac, Casey Affleck, Shaobo Qin, and Scott Caan) each with a specialty, to break into the central vault of three ultra-rich Las Vegas luxury casinos. While the millions of dollars in cash is a good prize, the ultimate idea is revenge on the casino operator for stealing away Danny Ocean’s old girlfriend. This is no bank vault, by the way. This is three casinos. Three. Casinos are famously more closely protected than most banks, often have more cash on hand than most banks, and, in the case of the movie, have much more elaborate security technology than most banks. This one makes it onto the list, like Entrapment, for sheer ambition.

Sneakers (dir. Phil Alden Robinson, 1992)

One of the better heist movies, Phil Alden Robinson’s Sneakers turns heist conventions on ear by making the main thieves legitimate blue-collar check-to-check workers embroiled in a very strange profession. Martin Bishop (Robert Redford) leads a team of ex-cons, ex-law enforcement, and computer experts who are somewhat regularly hired by banks to break in and test their security. I suppose if you have breaking-and-entering skills, it makes sense to parlay that into a legal business. This team of sneakers, through a lot of complicated plot machinations about the Russian government and a computer chip that can hack into any system in the country, eventually has to break into a toy company to steal an answering machine containing a vital widget. Not only are the characters memorable and hysterical (Dan Aykroyd’s twitchy conspiracy theorist is a highlight), and some of the plotpoints very clever (a blind man is able to recreate the sounds of what it’s like to be lock in a trunk), but the final heist (wherein they have to raise the temperature in a room to body temperature to beat some motion detectors) is awesome and weird and cool.

Quick Change (dirs. Howard Franklin, Bill Murray, 1990)

Quick Change is a heist comedy that is less about the actual heist, and more about the constantly thwarted efforts of the thieves (Bill Murray, Geena Davis, Randy Quaid) to leave town with millions of dollars in cash secretly strapped to their bodies. Cab drivers don’t understand their need to get to the airport. They get lost in New York. Their car is totaled, etc. The film is funny and engaging, but the heist itself is also notable for how efficiently weird it is: The bank thief enters the bank dressed as a clown. He has to reassure people that this is indeed a robbery. I don’t want to say how a man dressed as a clown manages to leave the bank with two cohorts and millions of dollars, but the title comes strongly into play. I’ve seen plenty of heist movies wherein people wear masks. I guess it would be easy and baffling to simply go in dressed in full clown regalia. Although a lighthearted comedy, you begin to think that the crazy heist presented herein might actually work.

National Treasure (dir. John Turteltaub, 2004)

Nicolas Cage plays a guy who somehow discovers that there is a treasure map secretly printed on the back of the Declaration of Independence. He breaks into the vault that houses it, steals it, and goes on a wild treasure hunt with the comely Diane Kruger, carrying around the ancient American document like it’s a movie poster. Um… Do I need to say more on this one?

House of Games (dir. David Mamet, 1987)

It will be hard to talk about David Mamet’s House of Games – one of the best crime films of the 1980s – without giving too much away. House of Games is predicated on trickery, cons, lies, and double-crosses that I wouldn’t feel right divulging. Lindsay Crouse plays a dead-faced shrink who decides to help one of her patients by confronting the men he is severely in debt to. In a seedy back-room poker club, she finds Joe Mantegna. I will reveal that Mantegna is no mere bookie, but a professional con man who regularly talks people out of their money for a living. There will eventually be a great deal of money involved, although I will not say whose money or how it is acquired. The cons presented in House of Games have been since repeated in several movies, and some audiences may be able to predict its twists from far off. But House of Games was the original and best, and bears Mamet’s signature shotgun dialogue. Once you see where the money is going, you’ll be elated and baffled and irresistibly drawn in.

Upstream Color (dir. Shane Carruth, 2013)

One of the best films of 2013 so far, Shane Carruth’s experimental sci-fi flick actually has a vital heist element embedded inside of it, in addition to the bizarre readings of Walden, the worm roofies, and psychic chemical connections of piglets. The opening conceit of the film is a little hard to follow: A nameless man grows a special kind of worm in his garden. He places the tiny worms into pill capsules which he then slips to unsuspecting bar patrons. When the worm/drug takes effect, the victim becomes docile and suggestible, and the man keeps them hostage in their own apartment, keeping them busy by transcribing Walden, and gluing the transcribed pages into a paper chain. Once enough time has passed, the man then convinces the victim that someone dear to them has been kidnapped, and he convinces them to give them all (yes all) of their money. I’m sure there are more complicated ways of robbing people, but I certainly haven’t ever seen one in many movie.

Femme Fatale (dir. Brian De Palma, 2002)

In the first 20 minutes or so of Brain De Palma’s bonkers heist movie Femme Fatale, there is a heist so sexy and daring, I’m surprised its not referenced more often. Lithe model Rebecca Romijn-Stamos plays a minxy bisexual superthief who manages to lure an equally lithe model into the ladies’ room for a brief bout of sexy heavy petting, all while stripping her of her special bikini top – which happens to be encrusted with millions of dollars worth of diamonds. And did I mention this all takes place at the Cannes film festival? And that Romijn will eventually have to flee her partners and disguise herself as a random woman she just happens to look exactly like? The heist itself is pretty crazy/sexy, but the film that follows is so bizarre and out-there and contains so many wonderfully crazy twists, it’s hard not to enjoy. The weirder it gets, the more fun it is.

Point Break (dir. Kathryn Bigelow, 1991)

Academy Award winning director Kathryn Bigelow is also responsible for one of the most celebrated, high-octane, homoerotic, and blisteringly bonkers action films of the 1990s, Point Break. While the film is more about FBI agent Johnny Utah (Keanu Reeves at his Keanu Reeves-est) and his secret dramas and romances in tracking down his chosen criminals, it’s the criminals themselves that make the movie the classic it is. Patrick Swayze plays a laidback beach rat named Bodhi who repeats Zen koans, goes surfing on a regular basis, seems to leads a surfing cult of some sort, and occasionally dresses like Ronald Reagan and robs local banks. I’m not sure if anyone could decipher the political messages behind the Reagan mask, or really explore the not-so-subtle love story between Johnny and Bodhi. Sure, Johnny is given the spunky Lori Petty as an ersatz love interest, but we really know where the romance lies in this relationship. Indeed, a lot about Point Break, complete with its skydiving and globe-trotting, is over-the-top weird. And yet, it’s well-beloved by many audiences the world over. I cannot deny that it is an adrenaline-fueled thrill ride.

Danger: Diabolik (dir. Mario Bava, 1968)

Based on an obscure series of European comic books, Danger: Diabolik is a cult film of the highest order, notable not just for its ultra-groovy soundtrack and constant psychedelic images, but also for its appearance on “Mystery Science Theater 3000” as one of the rare good films they riffed on. John Phillip Law plays Diabolik, a superhero thief who wears a skin-tight rubber bodysuit that covers everything but his eyes. Along with his girlfriend/partner Eva (Marisa Mell), he sneaks into old Italian castles, and manages to steal valuable necklaces, jewels, gold, and cash, often while people are in the room. He and Eva live in a vast underground lair full of James Bond gadgets, elaborate vehicles, and a massive round rotating bed. The heists are so brazen in this film, and Diabolik is having such a goofy good time committing them, that the entire film takes on an appealing Saturday morning quality. He is no stealth spy. He is a little kid having fun takin’ stuff. By the film’s end, Diabolik has melted down tons of gold and plans on reshaping it into ingots for travel. Awesome.

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