TNA Impact Review by Chris “The Authority” Schultz

Chris Schultz

TNA Impact Review

By: Chris â<80><9c>The Authorityâ<80> Schultz

Last night, TNA fans got a double dose of wrestling action with 3 hours of Impact. Following the regularly scheduled showing of Impact on Thursday night, a special Global Impact aired featuring TNA stars competing in Japan. To be honest, if it wasnâ<80><99>t for that last hour of Global Impact, I would have wasted my time watching TNA last night. Why? Letâ<80><99>s get started and I will fill you in.

The title of the show revolved around TNAâ<80><99>s biggest superstar, Sharkboy. Thus the show was named â<80><9c>A Fish out of Water.â<80> The Angle Alliance started the night by getting out of the limo only to be interviewed right away by Jeremy Borash. AJ was still wearing the crown and Eric Young even interrupts to get some laughs. Whatâ<80><99>s funny is that I didnâ<80><99>t find any humor in it whatsoever.

The Motor City Machismoguns? Somebody get me the name of Alex Shelleyâ<80><99>s barber. I think we need to change the name from TNA to TNT, Total Nonstop Talking. Anyone else tired of hearing Brother Ray run his mouth? Why doesnâ<80><99>t Black Machismo just grab his X-Division Title belt back and run? I think we might see TNAâ<80><99>s version of the Biggest Loser featuring Team 3D next month. All this in ring talking was followed up by a great promo in the back by Abyss. What an interview with the monster! That was deep thoughts coming from the big man. I hope you sense the sarcasm.

On to Sharkboy where they pre taped a ridiculous segment featuring Sharkboy surrounded by his little shark children and his shark wife. Whit is this, pro wrestling or Saturday Night Live? Letâ<80><99>s get focused here boys. Just when I thought the joking around would cease, Eric Young starts off the first match of the night by bringing down the Drinking Championship Belt. To tell you the truth, all this nonsense ticks me off. Sure I like a little humor, but if TNA wants to be taken seriously, this crap has to stop.

The match involving Eric Young and Tomko didnâ<80><99>t quite do the trick either. At least we got to see a wrestling match. Thankfully Tomko wins and you can see that he is definitely getting a huge push as a face. The match didnâ<80><99>t take long and nothing really impressed me. Christian Cage finally brings some seriousness to the show in his interview. Dustin Rhodes is a great psychopath. Itâ<80><99>s scary to see how good he is pulling off this character. Has he seen a doctor lately?

On to the better looking half of TNA and the Knockouts. The new number one contender ODB takes on Angelina Love. Toronto must be a hotbed of lovely ladies. Not only did Canada provide us with Stratusfaction, but I think I am also in Love. I am already looking forward to ODB versus Awesome Kong. ODB continues to drink on the job and pick up the win. I love it.

Donâ<80><99>t tell me I just saw Nash and Samoa Joe as buddies again. This really could have been a good feud. Hopefully, they are just delaying the inevitable. Hey LAX, we have already seen the stealing act from Cryme Tyme. Please try again. Oh, and Harris, will you quit already?

Speaking of quitting, is that Senshi still wrestling in a 6 sided ring? His match with Kaz was really good. This is why I turn on Impact every Thursday. However, itâ<80><99>s a shame that Senshi never gets the victory. I could watch this guy wrestle every day. By the way, where is the rat? Now youâ<80><99>ve done it Kaz.

Up next was Lance Hoyt vs. Abyss. Abyss took full control of this match up. Hoyt might be better off taking a trip up North. I believe a McMahon might be able to help Lance find that missing factor. Leave Jimmy Rave behind though. James Mitchell is Abyssâ<80><99> father? Who would have thought? I did. You could see this coming from a mile away. On the other hand, Mitchell cut a heck of a promo. This whole thing kind of reminded me of Star Wars. â<80><9c>Abyss, I am your father!â<80> â<80><9c>Noooooooooooooo!â<80>

Robert Roode walks down the ramp for the first time with the lovely Peyton Banks to take on Sonjay Dutt. Dutt just copped a feel! He better hope his buddy Lethal didnâ<80><99>t catch that. Peyton know that it pays to be Roode! Good to see Ms. Brooks again, I need my fix for the week. Dutt has definitely got some skillz, but Roode continues his winning ways by defeating the Guru. I want to go on record to say that I want stock in Roode Inc. Hey look, Matt Morgan is playing security guard again. Câ<80><99>mon and use this guy.

What happen next almost made me turn off the television. After all the build up and hype, BG James decides to make his father, â<80><9c>Bulletâ<80> Bob Armstrong his new tag team partner. I wanted to throw up. You break up VKM for this? Whose bright idea was this? I canâ<80><99>t say anything more, I am just shocked.

It didnâ<80><99>t get any better with Sharkboy getting up and doing a Stone Cold Steve Austin impression. Again, I am speechless. Jim Cornette pulled a fast one on Scott Steiner, the future X-Division Champion?

The main event of the night was â<80><9c>The Prince of Phenomenalâ<80> AJ Styles vs. Christian Cage vs. Samoa Joe. The match had a great combination of size and skill with a lot on the line. All 3 competitors have quite the resume’. Could we possibly see Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan in the future? That could be good. What does Kevin Nash have up his sleeve? Big Sexxy is up to something, I can smell it. How good is AJ Styles! He is certainly one of the best in the industry today. Phenomenal is the perfect word to describe this man. However, itâ<80><99>s Christian Cage who will go onto take on Angle at Against All Odds for the World Heavyweight Title.

It was now time for the special Global Impact. This was AWESOME! It was so cool to see the TNA superstars behind the scenes and in Tokyo, Japan. Not to mention, they wrestled in front of 30,000 fans in the Tokyo Dome. It was definitely the biggest TNA crowd to date. Big props go out to New Japan and TNA for putting together this interpromotional event. Why not bring Tomkoâ<80><99>s IWGP tag team partner Giant Bernard (Albert) to TNA? I think they make an excellent tag team.

Two minutes of this show was better than the two hours I witnessed previous. It was really cool to see Kurt Angle and other stars talk at these press conferences. Kurt Angle made mention to beating Brock Lesnar for the IWGP title which I thought was nice to hear. Remember their great match at Wrestlemania years ago?

To recap the night, Petey Williams, AJ Styles, and Christian Cage won as a team to start off the night. It was an unusual pairing, but they got the job done. Abyss may have met his match taking on the huge Yakamishi. This Japanese star was huge! As always, Abyss couldnâ<80><99>t go the night without bleeding after getting thrown on a pile of tacks. I really wanted to see this match in its entirety.

Team 3D represented by taking out their Japanese foes, while Tomko and Giant Bernard pull off the upset over the Steiner Brothers. Tomko feels quite at home in Japan. I am happy to see how far this man has come since being buried in the WWE. The main event was the only match we were privileged to see all the way through and what a fight it was. Kurt Angle and Yuji Nagata, both 39 years of age, tore down the house and put on a wrestling clinic. It was an awesome match. Both stars traded moves and wouldnâ<80><99>t give up. In the end, Kurt Angle made Nagata tap out to retain the IWGP title. Now thatâ<80><99>s impressive. Kurt Angle is real. He is damn real!

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