Feature: Steve Anderson on Brooke Knowing Best


So, youâ<80><99>re telling me out of all the Hogans, Brooke knows best.

Letâ<80><99>s see. â<80><9c>Cougarâ<80> Linda is dating a guy who resembles and is close in age to her son. Nick is sobbing in the pokey for his deadly lead foot. Hulk is involved with a Brooke clone and believes that God punished the guy his son almost killed.

Hmmm. Brooke Knows Best, the title of the latest lame reality show, may be sadly apropos. The only thing she is currently known for is her failing career as a crooner and creepy suntan lotion experiences.

Seriously, have you seen this tripe? I tried to get through it. I really did, if only for the sake of column fodder. But twenty minutes (not including commercials) of Brooke going out on her own, ala Mary Tyler Moore, is something they should show the detainees of Guantanamo Bay to get them to talk. I hit two minutes and then immediately wanted to build a flux capacitor for my DeLorean so I could go back in time and get those two minutes back.

Brooke Knows Best continues the train wreck that was Hogan Knows Best. Calling the predecessor a reality show is stretching it just a bit. Actually, no reality show is truly based in reality. Hogan Knows Best was an unscripted, poorly improvised, dreadfully unfunny sitcom. And for all the editing that was done, each episode showed each member of the family in the poorest light possible.

Nick was a cocky and lazy neâ<80><99>er-do-well. Linda was a strange combo of clueless and elitist. Hulk seemed to sleepwalk through his familyâ<80><99>s life as an orange-skinned observer, invoking â<80><9c>brotherâ<80> every chance he got. And Brooke? The aspiring pop star? Well, if you listened to her first single, youâ<80><99>d understand that no amount of electronic wizardry could mask her, letâ<80><99>s just say bad-karaoke-style shortcomings as a singer.

The weirdest part of Hogan Knows Best was Hulkâ<80><99>s hangers-on. Brian Knobs and Bubba the Love Sponge oozed this weird man-love for Hulk. They did his bidding. They batted their eyelashes in agreement on every decision he made. They hung on his every â<80><9c>brother.â<80>

I hear that the other option for a spin-off was to feature Knobs and Bubba. But, alas, the title was too long: Hogan Really Does Know Bestâ<80>¦Yes, He Doesâ<80>¦Iâ<80><99>m Right, Arenâ<80><99>t I Hulkâ<80>¦Can I Take Home That Sweaty Bandanaâ<80>¦How About Those Flip-Flops You Threw Awayâ<80>¦I Love Him More, Brianâ<80>¦No, I Love Him More, Bubba.

I recognize that if Brooke had truly taken off as a pop sensation, the show would be more interesting. Then again, if she were a singing success, she wouldnâ<80><99>t be doing a VH-1 reality show. Sheâ<80><99>d be in a category with Lindsey, Britney and Paris, showing off her very own â<80><9c>Big Montanaâ<80> to the paparazzi. Well, maybe not. According to some pictures I have seen, it does sunburn rather easily.

Now word is coming out via prison telephone calls that Nick Hogan is due for his own reality show after he sheds the orange jumpsuit. It will be more of the same. Maybe they can shake things up a bit and get him a sidekick. Iâ<80><99>m sure he could bring a prison buddy he got to know in the Graybar Hotel.

Ironically, his name will probably be Bubba.

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