What’s up wrestling fans? It’s Tuesday night, it’s hotter than hell in NYC, so why not take a look at ECW on Sci-Fi? For me, there’s nothing better than sitting back in some air conditioning and watching a great wrestling show. My air conditioner finally works, so why couldn’t the wrestling show work also? Tonight we saw a bunch of nonsense headlined by a great main event. WWE has both Raw and Smackdown rolling right now, so did they really need to give Philly, the home of ECW, the most non-ECW like show they possibly could? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
Tonight started with General Manager Teddy Long presenting Mark Henry with the brand new Diva’s Championship. Or was it the ECW Championship? I couldn’t tell. Here’s a sneak peek into a creative meeting:
ECW Hater #1: How can we make ECW even worse?
ECW Hater #2: It already sucks.
ECW Hater #1: I know, that’s the joke, how can we make it worse than it already is?
ECW Hater #2: Umm, unnecessarily create a new title that looks like something Barbie wouldn’t wear?
ECW Hater #1: Good call.
So then Colin Delaney makes his way to the ring to cut a promo that makes Mark Henry look like Laurence Olivier. This leads into our first match of the evening Colin Delaney vs Tommy Dreamer. Finally, Dreamer has found some competition! Dreamer wins this in a squash and the question becomes “where does Colin go from here?” I liked the heel turn at The Bash, but how does anyone expect Delaney to have any kind of career that the fans will care about? And what about Dreamer? So he just killed Colin tonight, what future does he have? This whole opening segment seemed to me like a way to blow off both Colin and Tommy. Too bad. Out of a possible 9 stars, I give this opening match 3 stars.
Next up we cut to the back and Miz and Morrison are wishing each other luck on their fatal four way match tonight. Morrison tells Miz that his fur is made of 100% farm raised Jackal. Great stuff. Morrison needs a push. His in-ring skills are above and beyond, and his character is silly enough that it works.
Back from break and our second match of the evening is Evan Bourne vs James Curtis. Is there really no one better than Curtis to go up against Bourne? Not only is WWE telegraphing an obvious squash here, but they shouldn’t sacrifice new talent like Curtis to a match that only served the purpose of furthering a Chavo/Evan feud. What can I say here? A nothing match with Bourne’s finisher that I could watch all day long. 4 Stars.
Backstage we see Finlay talking to Hornswoggle with the occasional grunt from Horny as a response. I am sick and tired of Hornswoggle. I am sick and tired of WWE portraying him as a mutant who is incapable of human speech. It’s degrading, it’s not funny, and it does nothing to further the talented Finlay.
We return from break to arguably the most inane segment of the show. We see Tito Ricky Ortiz Dabone Michelle Gellar, or whatever his name is, delivering a horribly acted speech to Tiffany. This leads to Teddy Long coming in and telling him that he is gonna be in a match next week, and that his hair was long in the 70’s. This takes us a to a video package promoting, of all people, Mike Knox. The package hypes Knox, but fails to let us know why anyone should care. This whole segment was useless. I understand WWE’s need to push new talent like Ortiz, but this guy is just terrible on the “mic.”
Finally, after the previous segment, we cut to Matt Hardy where he cuts a promo basically telling us that he’ll be the next to job to Mark Henry for the ECW title.
We’re now 45 minutes into the show, have accomplished nothing, and it’s time for the main event: A fatal four way match featuring Finlay vs Matt Hardy vs The Miz vs Morrison to determine the number one contender to Mark Henry’s ECW title. This was a great match. It was fast paced, well wrestled, and actually created suspense in what seemed to be a pretty predictable bout. Hardy picked up the victory with a twist of fate on Morrison, and he will go on to Summerslam to challenge The World’s Strongest Vat of Cottage Cheese. 7 Stars.
Overall, this was a throw away episode of ECW on Sci-Fi. I like that Hardy won the main event, but don’t believe for a minute that he will actually win the title at Summerslam. In a one-hour wrestling show, you need to do more than entertain the viewers for 15 minutes. Philly showed up for ECW tonight, but ECW did not show up for Philly. Out of a possible 9 stars, I give tonight’s show 4 stars.
Nick’s Notes:
-Why do heels always wipe their feet on the ring apron before they enter the ring? Is the entrance ramp covered in cow shit? Is it dredged in fire ants? I think too many guys do this.
-I’m not going to give away any spoilers here, but I just read what the Smackdown main event will be at Summerslam and I am APPALLED. Maybe that’s what put me in a bad mood tonight.
-Tony Atlas was horrible on the mic tonight. In general there was a lot of bad mic work on this show. I understand the need for WWE to push new talent, but they have to entertain us.
Thanks for reading, and as always, please send any and all feedback to VOWNick@gmail.com
Nick was born and raised in Detroit, Michigan, and lived there until the age of 18, when he decided to pack his flack jacket and move to New York City.
