Feature: Steve Anderson Sorta Previews the Slammys


The Slammy. Coveted award or concept that just won’t die?

1986 saw the birth of the then-WWF awards with 1987 providing a follow-up. They pulled the ceremony out of mothballs in 1996 and kept it around until 1997.

Now, it’s baaaaaaaaaaackâ<80>¦

The first Slammys were more Grammy-like because WWF’s Wrestling Album had been released with superstars doing their renditions of classic and newly written songs. For the most part, the Slammys went to the best performers on the album. Gene Okerlund warbled “Tutti Frutti” and the whole cast harmonized on “Land of 1,000 Dances.”

But nothing beats Junkyard Dog’s “Grab Them Cakes.” It still kicks ass.

1987 saw seven-time NWA champ “King” Harley Race win the Slammy for Best Ring Apparel. The Hulk Hogan Real American award went to Billy Graham, a move the WWF would rue when the “Superstar” started to bash WWF a few years later.

The “Jesse the Body Award” went to Rick Rude. I assume it was because of his physique. If it still existed today, it would go to the laziest, most thin-skinned, attention-starved media whore.

A traditional Slammy “Song of the Year” went to no one because Sika ate the envelope. Jimmy Hart’s “Girls in Cars” (the Strike Force themeâ<80>¦that’s ok, I don’t get it either) and Vinnie Mac’s “Stand Back” (a song he performed at the show) were nominees.

One Man Gang won the award for “Best Group.” Ha ha! Obesity is funny.

Just don’t get me started on the award for “Best Head.”

1996 and 1997’s versions were less than spectacular. Category names got cute at that point and the songs were gone. They were glitzed up a bit too much. The Slammys are supposed to be cheesy fun.

Which brings us to this Monday. As part of yet another three-hour Raw, we get another version of the Slammys eleven years later. Awards no longer have tongue-in-cheek monikers. Superstar, Match and Diva of the year will be decided. The OMG moment should go to Punk and the “DAMN” trophy should go to Santino Marella.

If the pattern continues, we’ll get another Slammys next year and then have to wait until 2020. Is it a ratings grabber? I don’t see it that way. Just another chance to attempt groan-inducing comedy. If the WWE doesn’t commit to the concept, why should we? It’s like someone in creative thought, “Hey, remember the Slammys? Let’s try that again.” No rhyme. No reason.

Just a concept that just won’t die.

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