NWA Anarchy TV Report
Episode 173
June 1, 2009
WRESTLING: (n.) ’res-ling A sport of contest in which two individuals face off in unarmed combat.
ANARCHY: (n.) an-ar-key (1) A state of lawlessness due to absence of authority. (2) A complete lack of order.
What happens when you mix the two together? NWA-Anarchy!
– Welcome to NWA Anarchy, this is PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING~! We have reached our official destination of Hardcore Hell. To celebrate the occasions, John Johnson is decked out in official
1. The Entourage (“the Feature Presentation” Jeff Lewis & Michael Mosley & “Ain’t I Great” Jay Clinton & “Hollywood Hacksaw” Andrew Alexander) defeated “Merciless” Don Matthews & Jessco Blue & the Wild Bunch (“Brokeback” Billy Buck & Chris King).
Classic Matthews/Lewis finish here:
– The “Reverend” is Back in Black tonight, right on down to a black leather mask.
2. Malachi pinned “Son of Satan” Azreal to capture the Young Lion’s Title.
Azreal has dominated his opponents with shear brutality over the past several months and legally assaults Malachi with stiff kicks, chops, and knees. The Son of Satan connects with the Ted Bundy. He makes the cover, but Malachi places his foot on the bottom rope. Malachi wiggles out of the throat slip piledriver, but Azreal sits him on top. Malachi fights off Azreal from the top rope, signals a throat slit, and wins with the swan dive headbutt. Congratulations to Malachi, but I don’t buy the finish. Azreal has survived severe beatings and escaped from more devastating finishers than a swan dive headbutt.
3. “The Real” Slim J w/Bo Newsome uncled “that Bald Head Jerk” Todd Sexton w/the Technicians.
The rules are straightforward: 3 three minute rounds, 30 second breaks between rounds, participants have a five count on knockdowns, and only three rope breaks allowed for the duration of the contest.
ROUND 1, FIGHT: The first round is evenly contested with typical MMA maneuvers like triangle chokes, armbars, and chimera (almost) until Slim rocks Sexton for a four count. After referee Brent Wiley signals for the ending of round one, Sexton cheap shots the back of Slim’s cranium.
ROUND 2, FIGHT: Round two immediately finds Sexton applying a wrestling hold, the dreaded headlock. Sexton is forced to exhaust a rope break Slim reverses him with his own ankle lock. Both men have two left. Sexton wastes another rope break at the one minute mark and mounts Slim.
ROUND 3, FIGHT: Slim goes on an offensive flurry on Sexton before applying a triangle choke. The crowd commands Todd to tap, but he denies them with his final rope break. Sexton takes quick advantage with a pause in action with a superkick. The referee counts to four before Slim gets up. Slim counters with a roundhouse kick and slaps on a flying armbar. Without no rope breaks remaining, Sexton loses his testacles and is forced to tap.
4. Orion Bishop pinned “Professional Wrestling’s only Serial Killer” Iceberg w/Dan “the Dragon”
Bishop dazzles Iceberg with physical feats of strength including an overhead belly to belly suplex and a release German suplex. Iceberg nimbly eludes the spear and mercilessly squashes him with the running cannonball. Iceberg makes the cover, but Bishop kicks out. Out of frustration,
5. “The Universal Soldier” Shatter w/Jeff G. Bailey pinned “7 Figured Deal” Ace Rockwell to retain the NWA National Heavyweight Title.
Rockwell earned his title shot by surviving Jeremy Vain’s tomfoolery at the Lucky 7 Mega Rumble’s conclusion several weeks ago. The match starts out with an extended feeling out process. After commercial, Shatter methodically rips apart Rockwell’s back including Tully Blanchard’s patented slingshot suplex. After an over the top rope slingshot, Shatter gorilla press slams Rockwell back into the ring to administer more punishment. Bailey distracts the referee so Bailey can choke Rockwell. Rockwell escapes a chinlock, but Shatter counters his comeback attempt with a fall away slam. Later in the match, Rockwell reverses fortune with a tilt-a-whirl into a crossface. Shatter struggles to escape by placing his foot on the bottom rope. Rockwell looks for a lungblower, but Shatter counters with the
OVERALL: Shatter/Ace is definitely an early candidate for match of the year. They delivered exactly what a major NWA National Heavyweight Title defense should have. I’ve always said Ace is a d**n good worker and Shatter has “it.” Unfortunately, it is who determine who has “it” that matters. Orion Bishop has awesome potential, but he needs to tweak his gimmick. It seems like the crowd doesn’t react to him too much. The Iceberg/Bishop finish didn’t help him. The Azreal/Malachi finish didn’t seem right. Malachi has struggled with lower card wrestlers. Azreal has demolished everyone he has faced. Yet, Azreal loses on two moves. A surprise rollup, cradle, etc. would have made due. Slim/Sexton was business as usual. Sexton has fulfilled his role as a chicken nuts heel. The opener served its purpose with the classic ending of Lewis outsmarting Don Matthews after a distraction from Jay Clinton.
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