WWE House Show Results (3/5): Alexandria, LA.

Matt Boone

WWE Live Event (Alexandria, La.)

Report by Thad and ProWrestling.net

Due to awful traffic, a parade and city officials deciding to repave all the streets downtown at once, we missed an hour of the show. I got inside and the place was about 80 percent filled. They could have actually did a TV show here. The last one we had the the SD that moved from New Orleans due to the Lombardi Gras Parade. There’s a recurring theme of parade interference here.

R-Truth had just won his match and I couldn’t tell who his opponent was. I asked around to see what we missed and Khali won his match and Regal lost to a short white guy in burgundy trunks. I’m assuming it was Daniel Bryan.

Evan Bourne defeated Sheamus. He doesn’t look as pale in person compared on tv but he looks shorter and wider. Sheamus basically dominated the match but Evan took control every other four minutes. The ending came when Sheamus tried to set up for the Irish Cross from the top rope Evan countered with kicks to the head and hit the SSP for the win. Something tells me he could win a slam dunk contest if he tried.

Justin Roberts is the MC and he says that he has some t-shirts for the crowd but can’t throw so he calls out Melina to help. I noticed that Melina is a face and Justin Roberts has no male pride. How sad. After the shirts we go to intermission. I look down by ringside and I see none other than Sign Guy in the same left corner by the ring. For the people that may not know, this guy goes to most of the shows and wears that lame blue jean shirt and a backwards red hat and sits in the same corner with the best signs. You can’t miss him.

Back from intermission and Roberts is reading off a card. Seriously. He introduces Alex Riley. I thought he was “fired.” He even has his own music. He grabs a mic and cut an ok promo about saying the Miz is working to get him his job back and winning the WWE title after Miz retires 100 years from now. He has a catchphrase and it’s “It’s All Going A-Ri” Morrison comes out to a big pop.

John Morrison defeated Alex Riley. They did some technical chain wrestling to start. Alex went for a big Chuck boot and Morrison slid all the way out the ring in a cool spot to avoid it. They traded offense until Morrison countered and hit the Chuck Kick and Starship Pain for the win in about 12 minutes. Morrison played sign guy for a hug. Funny. A-Ri stumbles out later to some heat.

Eve defeated Nikki Bella to retain the WWE Divas Championship. Both Bellas came out in leopard print. Jungle fever was in the air. Eve came out to the smallest pop I’ve ever heard. Right before the match started, the Anonymous GM chimed in and feels we should have a dance off. Kill me. And why is he changing a house show match? The Bellas did some lame twin moves and started to grind on the ref. Luck S.O.B. Eve started dancing and the crowd went nuts. She got jumped and the match starts. In five minutes of painful back and forth, Eve got the roll up win. Roberts comes out and announces a Triple Threat for the WWE Title.

The Miz defeated John Cena and C.M. Punk in a Triple Threat to retain the WWE Championship. CM Punk comes out to massive heat with Otunga and Ryan. He walked around the ring and soaked it all up. I didn’t mind because his entrance song played all the way through and it’s one of the better theme songs on the entire Raw roster. After they get in the ring, Mason grabs a mic and cuts a promo. All I understood was ‘CM Punk’ because his accent was so heavy. He needs to work on that.

Otunga cuts a slightly better promo. The people around me didn’t believe he’s married to Jennifer Hudson until I showed them proof on my iPhone. Punk is getting MAJOR heat so I could barely hear what he said. He did mention he like the history of Louisiana. Just not the cockroaches which he said we all were. He gives Nexus the night off and they head to the back. Miz comes out to a 50/50 pop. Way to make a champion seem important by not coming out last. The title looks smaller live than on TV.

Cena comes out and the place explodes. I’m sulking because that means no RKO to make my Friday night enjoyable. I wonder if something came up since I didn’t hear anything about Orton not being there. Unless I missed it in the first hour of the show while stuck in traffic. Cena hits the ring and the heels scatter. In a funny moment, CM Punk was signing autographs and sprinted to the ring to slide inside. The ref leaned down, told him something and for some reason he did it all over again.

The atch starts and Cena get ganged up on. At no point in the match did Cena ever get knocked out and Punk was going at it with Miz. Cena was literally in the ring the whole match bumping for both guys. The ref was yanked out while Cena had Miz locked in the STF. The end came when Punk tried to hit Cena with the title and got an AA. Miz picked it up and nailed Cena for the win to retain. The kids were so upset. I laughed pretty hard because I knew the match outcome ahead of time.

Miz told everybody sit because he has important things to say which drew a lot of heat. He said he wants Michael Cole to win the WWE Title before Cena and put himself over for WM 27. He got a chair to try to hit Cena but we all know Cena gets up and Miz eats an AA to send the crowd home happy. Except me, of course. Cena put over LSU and said he’ll win at WM. Somebody threw the Chain Gang chain Cena use to wear in the ring and he walked out with it. He’s buff though in person. That looks like hard work.

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