Mojo Madden’s Raw #1,000 Madness! Overall Show Thoughts

Nick Paglino

Alberto Del Rio and his bottom show up. When I hear somebody got screwed in a tight, uncomfortable place, I immediately think of the back seat of a 2012 Aston Martin.

Nothing like a match preceded by seven separate introductions. Perhaps they’ll forget to actually wrestle.

No such luck. It says a lot about WWE’s priorities that when the action finally started on Raw #1,000, it did so OFF CAMERA.

Chris Jericho has wrestled in 360 matches on Raw. His record is 0-360. To be fair, the NCAA overturned 14 years worth of Jericho wins because he covered up the Mel Phillips/Terry Garvin scandal.

WWE stresses personal issues between the competitors. But I’ve never seen real-life personal issues sorted out via collar-and-elbow tie-up.

Finally, a legitimate heel: GAS PRICES.

Charlie SheenI’m assuming Charlie Sheen is appearing via Tout. He’s out of focus visually and his verbiage is out of sync. Quite the endorsement.

I hate to admit it, but: I POPPED FOR THE FULLY GROWN HAND!

So far, this show is GREAT…if you’re into plugs and product placement.

Boy, has Ernest Miller gained weight!

Jack Swagger: No intro=jobber=squash. TOLD YA. Memo to bookers: You can’t do a losing streak gimmick with someone who sucks. IT’S TOO BELIEVABLE.

Moments like this really cement Mick Foley’s legacy as a legitimate wrestling legend.

Trish Stratus is STILL HOT. But she STILL NEEDS A NECK.

Slick got touted as the first African-American manager in WWE, like he was some sort of racial pioneer. He was actually one of the most racist characters in WWE history. Check out One Man Gang’s conversion to Akeem on YouTube.

A.J. looks terrific. #TOTALLYSMITTEN

Slick’s expression when A.J. jilts Daniel Bryan is hardly reminiscent of Denzel Washington. Pigmeat Markham, maybe. HERE COME DA JUDGE!

A.J. has been one of WWE’s most compelling characters since her push started. As Raw GM, she’s going to be STALE and TRITE. And why would Vince hire someone mentally unstable to be the GM of Raw? Uh, wait…don’t answer that.

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