Pin Me, Pay Me: The John Cena Story

Nick Paglino


Some of the best wrestling storylines are art imitating life. Since Zack Ryder isn’t worth a heap of dung and Eve Torres, like all divas, is mostly vapid and totally replaceable, here’s an idea:

Have Zack Ryder take Eve Torres back. Again. She promises to be true. Again. Then she cuckolds him and/or kicks him in the nuts. Again.

Let’s face it, that particular passion play is being acted out everywhere you look in the naked city. Some schnook outkicks his coverage in terms of the fairer sex, thinks it’s forever (HA!), gets betrayed when it turns out his beloved is a bargain-basement slut, they break up…but he takes her back because he knows he’ll never score that level of trim again otherwise.

Then, of course, it all happens again. Repeat as necessary.

Zack should take Eve back over and over. Eve bangs Cena. Zack takes Eve back. Eve kicks Zack in the nuts again. Zack takes Eve back. Eve does a three-way with Miz and Maryse. Zack takes Eve back. Eve hits Zack in the nuts with a hammer. Zack takes takes Eve back. Eve does a three-way with R-Truth and Big Show. Zack takes Eve back. Eve hits Zack in the nuts with a taser. Zack takes Eve back. Eve does a porn video with Lexington Steele, Xander Corvus and Zack’s father. Zack takes Eve back.

Best part is, Zack and Eve could play their parts well, and forever: Dunce and tramp. Make it a running gag, like “The Roxbury Guys” on Saturday Night Live. Beat it to death.

Funniest part is, the whole skit reminds me of a wrestling couple I know.

Mark Madden hosts a radio show 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WXDX-FM, Pittsburgh, PA (105.9) . Check out his web page at Contact Mark by emailing FOLLOW MARK ON TWITTER: @MarkMaddenX

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