No One Here Gets Out Awake

Nick Paglino

John MorrisonIWC angst over John Morrison’s departure from WWE shows how low expectations have dropped in the world of sports entertainment.

Morrison’s an average talent. Decent worker. Can’t talk. Good-looking. Muddled character – an odd combination of Jim Morrison and Val Kilmer, an Oliver Stone-melded “Shaman of Sexy,” whatever that means. Morrison was only marginally involved when it came to anything memorable, and never tangibly drew dime one.

Yet his departure – Morrison got beaten out of the biz by another glorified mid-carder, and it was AWESOME, or so I’m told – is being regarded by some as akin to Shawn Michaels taking a break. If Morrison never comes back, it won’t matter. If Morrison had never wrestled, it wouldn’t have mattered. If Morrison goes to Impact, it definitely won’t matter.

Morrison will be perhaps best remembered as a guy who was put on a different troupe than his girlfriend, Melina, so she’d be free to bang Dave Bautista. Don’t think for one second it was any less calculated or sinister than that. Bautista nailed Melina, then bragged about it in a book. (So would I. I’d print up T-shirts and souvenir programs, too.)

You’ve got to be a TOP GUY to merit that kind of snatch. Morrison wasn’t. Batista was. Vince McMahon is the kind of pimp that rewards STATUS.

Morrison didn’t punch Bautista, or return his book late to the library, or dump Melina. When Morrison returns to wrestling, perhaps his character could be “The Cuckold.”

Pimp-daddy VKM wasn’t real impressed that Morrison didn’t deck Bautista, or Melina, or SOMEBODY. Morrison’s perceived cowardice is said to be one reason he never got the big shove from McMahon (as opposed to Melina getting the big shove from Bautista).

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