Column O’ Nonsense: Great American Bash Predictions

Douglas Nunnally

Well, here we are. Great American Bash 2005, one year after a huge flop in the form of the same PPV. Will this one succeed? Will this one fail? Will we see new champions and feuds ending? Will we see legends retain and the blood continue to be spilt? Who knows? Not me, but here is one fan that is looking forward to the legendary patriotic bash. I will be doing live play-by-play reviewing for of Great American Bash and with a card full of Guerrero vs. Mysterio and Batista vs. JBL, I am anxious for the event. It may not be the best, it may end up being the worst, but it’s got me anxious, and that’s what they want. So let’s break it down match by match.

The Blue World Order Vs. The Mexicools

I have no doubt in my mind that this is going to open the PPV. It just has opening match written all over it, and plus, with the fact that it was set up over a webc ast, I don’t see “upper card” written all over it. This is definitely a comedy match waiting to happen, which could be a very good way to open the night. I’m not too high on the Mexicools right now. Guerrera seems a little green in the WWE to me, even though he is arguably one of the greatest cruisers ever. Super Crazy is hit and miss with me, and Psicosis to me is nothing special. I enjoy them on television as I see cruiserweights with actual gimmicks in an actual storyline, but I’m still not that high on them. As far as the bWo goes, Steven Richards and Nova are great wrestlers. Blue Meanie is highly overrated, a situation made worse by his incident at the ECW PPV. Despite all this though, I’m pretty confident that WWE will book this match properly, giving the Mexicools the win to further their heel characters. I think the best part of this match is the fact the Mexicool stable is not being wasted in the cruiserweight division only, instead bouncing all over the place.

Predicted Winners: The Mexicools

Bra And Panties Match

Melina Vs. Torrie Wilson

Special Guest Referee: Candice

Seriously, who cares? If you want to get off to something, stop watching wrestling and go watch porno. WWE, please stop wasting our time.

Predicted Winner: Who cares?

Christian Vs. Booker T

I’m looking forward to this match as a nice under card match-up. The buildup is a little weak, but I still have some high expectations squarely on the fact that these two had some good matches in 2003 over the Intercontinental title. I really hope the winner of this match goes on to challenge for the World Title in the next few months as this match screams “the guys ready for the world title battling it out in a five to ten minute match.” Honestly, WWE seems really high on Christian in the past few months so naturally, I am going to go with the obvious fact that Christian is going to come out on top, probably by cheating.

Predicted Winner: Christian

WWE Tag Team Championship

MNM (c) Vs. Heidenreich & Road Warrior Animal

This seems like an interesting match, but I’m not expecting much. I don’t think I will be bored out of mind, but I don’t think I will be on the edge of my seat. With that said, I think the idea of having MNM going over the legendary Animal in Road Warrior fashion is a great way to establish them as a dominant tag team division. Granted, the division is non-existent, but the common fan probably doesn’t realize that. Heidenreich and Animal will most likely have some great chemistry in the ring and the commentators will most likely make mention of the old Road Warriors more than thrice. MNM is going to cheat to win this one and definitely going to get the win over Animal. It’s a no-brainer, people.

Predicted Winners: MNM

WWE United States Championship

Orlando Jordan (c) Vs. Chris Benoit

Now, this match has absolutely no build-up. It’s ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. However, I still think these guys will put on a nice match right before the upper card. Orlando Jordan does have zero character or charisma, but he’s no Kevin Nash in the ring. If he wants to, he can go toe to toe with the best of them, and if Chris Benoit doesn’t phone in his performance here like he has on some television tapings these past few months, this match should be a good one. I would hope that Chris Benoit would get the strap and perhaps feud with William Regal. It really doesn’t seem that absurd to me. In the beginning of the year, Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio had a small match on SmackDown! and it was impressive. What happened the next few months? A huge feud! But alas, it’s blatantly obvious that Jordan will keep the title. Why else give no buildup if not to expect a title change?

Predicted Winner: Orlando Jordan

Number One Contender’s Match – WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Muhammed Hassan Vs. The Undertaker

Well, anyone who is reading this is not dumb and knows exactly what is going on with Hassan, so why repeat it? I never had a problem with the character. I had a few qualms about the terrorism angle, but not because of the fact that it had terrorism. I was pissed because Hassan tried to make himself look like the rebuttal to Arab stereotypes, but then he reverses it. Kind of stupid. Anyway, I doubt this will be a good match, to be honest, because I see Undertaker squashing Hassan completely thus killing off the character. Who better to kill it then Undertaker though? When this match was first announced, I was a little excited as I heard Hassan has great matches with big guys, like in OVW. But now? It’s going to suck. Don’t be surprised to see Randy Orton pop up either. Thankfully, this means, unless they change it, that Undertaker will get a title shot!

Predicted Winner: The Undertaker

Eddie Guerrero Vs. Rey Mysterio

Hands down, this is the best feud that WWE has had in the past few years. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio show more emotion and rage and character in their eyes when looking at each other than most wrestlers do in their career. It’s an amazing feud culminating in amazing matches. Their most recent match is, to me, the best television match I have ever seen in my life. Why? The story sold the match and they made it work. There were no spots at all in the match besides the signatures. Why? They didn’t need them. You use spots to grab attention into a match, i.e. flipping over the ring to the outside is guaranteed to bring interest back into the match. Rey and Eddie didn’t need it. This was the first time in a long time I have seen a crowd pop for a punch. A PUNCH! It was amazing. So what am I expecting here tonight? Another match of the year candidate. I pray to the wrestling god this makes it to Summerslam and we see a huge blow off, but I can settle for just one more great match: this one. I honestly think Eddie Guerrero is going to pull of a win because of all the mind games, but I really don’t care who wins. This is a hot feud and this is going to be a great match.

Predicted Winner: Eddie Guerrero

WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Batista (c) Vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

Again, I’m not looking for a five star caliber match, but I’m also not looking for a stinker. It’s going to be enjoyable, but I don’t expect much more. Batista and JBL both have their best matches against bigger guys, so that works to their advantage, but I just don’t see JBL looking as dominant in this match against someone like Batista. Of course, Batista is going to go over with a Batista Bomb, but I doubt we won’t see JBL pull out the Clothesline From Hell.

Predicted Winner: Batista

All in all, this looks like it’s going to be a pretty good PPV and I expect some surprises here and there. Naturally, it’s going to be better than last year’s fiasco, but better than Vengeance or Judgment Day? Doubtful. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio are going to make the whole night worthwhile though and I urge you to buy this PPV just for the match alone. I am dead serious.

Well, I will be doing live coverage of this PPV starting tonight at 7PM EST at If you haven’t had our live coverage before, it’s a little different from other sites. Instead of reporting, we review the PPV live as it happens, and we have been heralded as being faster than more than half of the sites out there, probably even the one you’re reading this article on. We always have a big turn out for these PPV coverage events so why not join us? If you don’t feel like shelling out thirty bucks, then just click over to there and sit back and await the results live. It’s all up to you.

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