Column O’ Nonsense: WrestleMania Predictions

Douglas Nunnally

Well, it’s that time of the year. The time when anything and everything can and will happen on the grandest stage of them all; tonight, is WrestleMania 22. WWE is not in good standing with many fans recently. While they have opened the flood gate to the international market, WWE has done nothing to salvage the domestic market with many going so far as to saying this one will go down as one of the worst WrestleManias of all time. Will it? To me, no. To reach that level of horridness, you really need to have a worse of card than WWE has going. With matches like the Triple Threat, Edge-Mick Foley, the Ladder Match, JBL-Benoit, Michaels-McMahon, and others I’m probably forgetting, it’s going to be a damn challenge for WWE to make this one suck. Tonight also marks the return of’s Live Coverage, something in the past that has been the fastest, most in-depth, and according to some fans “the funniest and best all-around” coverage today. I guess it only helps matters to tell you that this coverage is done 100% pop-up free and on average, we normally beat out other sites by fifteen minutes! For more information on this coverage, make sure to click here and check it out. This is definitely going to be a night that no one will forget and if last night gave us any indication, some things are going to go as expected, but most, are going to blow our expectations out of the water. Tonight is WrestleMania 22; tonight is the Big Time; tonight, WWE proves they still have a few tricks up their sleeve as they gear up to put on what will undoubtedly be their biggest money-making venture ever. Let’s take a quick look at the card though:

Playboy Pillow Fight

Torrie Wilson Vs. Candice Michelle

This is a complete throwaway match, but come on; we know why it’s there and it should be for that very reason: to help push and move copies of Playboy for old Hugh. Just see it as something to justify some paychecks and use it as a bathroom break and we will all be fine! Naturally, Candice will win.

Predicted Winner: Candice Michelle

Handicap Match

Boogeyman Vs. Booker T & Sharmell

I guess at this point, Boogeyman is supposed to be portrayed as a face? Well, let me just say that WWE has done an amazing job thus far of showing that as it just finally dawned on me; good job. Hopefully, this match will be kept short, but I really see it going about seven minutes with at least one big spot involving all three. Again, this will be a throwaway match so don’t expect anything and you won’t get let down. Who knows? Maybe this will mark the only WrestleMania appearance by Boogeyman ever? One can hope. Until then, it’s pretty obvious who will win this one and if you can’t figure out, I wonder if you still worry that someone’s neck was broken during a piledriver.

Predicted Winner: Boogeyman

WWE Women’s Championship

Trish Stratus (c) Vs. Mickie James

WWE had me worried for a bit that this match wouldn’t even be on the damn card! Thankfully, it got added and one of the best built angles of the past three years in the Women’s division will come full circle. Sadly, I don’t see this match delivering at all. I love Mickie James and her Indy work and early OVW work was great, but ever since she got breast implants, she really has been a completely different worker. Adding x pounds to the front of your chest will have that effect on you and it’s just sad. Trish Stratus, on the other hand, has not even had a three star match since returning in October, which I find sad after her amazing heel run in 2004. I don’t know what it is, but when Trish Stratus returned, I expected the same level of quality as before and I got something I think Ashley could have duplicated. But hey, I could be and I hope to be wrong. Maybe they will put on a good match. Maybe the old Trish and Mickie James will come out to tonight. Maybe WrestleMania really does bring out the best in people. We will just have to see! Mickie James should, and in my opinion, will pick up the belt, but I really don’t expect her reign to be that long as she’ll probably drop it back to Trish on Raw and win it back during the Summer to stretch out the program and hide the fact that their Women’s division is about as deep as the creek in my backyard.

Predicted Winner: Mickie James

WWE World Tag Team Championship

Big Show & Kane (c) Vs. Chris Masters & Carlito

For some reason, I expect this match to be better than it has any right to be. I don’t know why, but it just kind of jumps out at me on paper. Obviously, Kane’s matches with either of the heels haven’t been good and Masters himself has only had about one match that not have people yearning for their remote controls, but again, for some reason, I think this will deliver in the way it should. Nothing overly fancy, but nothing as bad as we’ve seen or as people expect. I, for one, don’t think the heels should take the straps here. The giant team is one that has been built up as unstoppable and whoever they drop the straps too are going to have instant credibility as a team, and I don’t know if I want to give up that to a random team that will be broken up in the next month or so. It’s sad, but true. WWE needs to slowly build a tag team on Raw and get them to the point where they will take the straps from the giants and then enjoy a nice, healthy run to attempt to bring back some credibility to the titles. It may sound like a fairy tale, but oh well. For those reasons, I’m going to go with the giants here.

Predicted Winner: Big Show & Kane

WWE United States Championship

Chris Benoit (c) Vs. John Bradshaw Layfield

This will be a good match. Probably not very good or great, but most likely just a solid, solid match that will probably be the best on the card up until that point. I really hope we get some good brawling from the two that goes more than just some chops from Benoit and some back clubbing from JBL. I want to see some blood come out the hard-war; I want to see a freakin’ war. It’s Chris Benoit. Chris freakin’ Benoit. Then, it’s JBL. JB…uh….L. These two men should be having an all-out war based on their tag match a few weeks ago and I think I’m justified when I say we should expect nothing left. The outcome of the match is the only problem with this one as Chris Benoit needs to win it in my eyes to bring some credibility back to the titles (seeing a pattern here?). JBL as champ wouldn’t be horrible, but hot-shotting the belt over and over again really never did any good especially since the belt was completely killed in 2005 by Orlando Jordan and Booker T. I’m going to perhaps be na├»ve and give the edge to Benoit here, but I think this one will pay off and hopefully give a super hot finish to solidify Benoit once again.

Predicted Winner: Chris Benoit

Hardcore Match

Edge Vs. Mick Foley

The build-up to this match was very dull at first, but man, it got hot as hell towards the end. I guess that happens when you slam your face into tacks and set a table on fire though. Good God, that image of the tacks in his face was great. Anyway, I think Foley will finally have his WrestleMania classic here and honestly, I think this match should and might be better than the Hardcore match he had with Randy Orton that solidified the Legend Killer back in early 2004. The only problem I see for this match is that it’s obvious that Edge will win, but where is he going to go from here? They will probably steal the show or come pretty damn close, but what is left for him afterwards? It’s just sad to see someone go through that and then management follow it up with absolutely nothing. Anyway, no doubt this match will be good, but I have no idea what the big bump will be and hope to be pleasantly surprised. I’d love to see Foley not go down at first to Edge’s finishing moves so as to make Edge & Foley look stronger by the end which will hopefully build to another match at Backlash. No matter what though, Edge is grabbing victory here.

Predicted Winner: Edge

Casket Match

Undertaker Vs. Mark Henry

What is up with all the damn casket matches? We had one at Royal Rumble 2005 and at No Mercy 2005 and now here? It’s nowhere near as bad as Ultimate X being overused in TNA, but if they continue down this road, it’s going to get damn close. I don’t even see the advantage to using it so much because it’s not the type of gimmick match that bumps the match up in quality instantly like a Ladder match or Cage match. If anything, guys like Henry and Heidenreich had no business anywhere near a Casket. As far as the match goes, there is no doubt it won’t be good, but I seriously doubt it will suck. Taker carried Henry surprisingly well on SmackDown! earlier this year and that really gives me hope for this match. Then again, the casket match is entirely different and SmackDown! is heavily edited, but I’m going to remain optimistic here. The good news is that Henry will be destroyed, Taker’s streak will remain, and this might just be the last we ever hear of Henry in such a big way. We should all thank the man upstairs for that one.

Predicted Winner: Undertaker

Money In The Bank Ladder Match

Rob Van Dam Vs. Shelton Benjamin Vs. Ric Flair Vs. Finlay Vs. Lashley Vs. Matt Hardy

I think this match might just be one of the best on the card and will easily beat out last year’s in terms of quality and probably sheer emotion if it goes the way it should. I love how they added Finlay-Lashley to it instead of a singles match that would have gotten no time. This way, they build towards a PPV singles match at Judgment Day that will probably be that much better because of the time it has had dedicated to it. Ric Flair being in this match was still a godly piece of booking that had everyone reeling, especially since everyone predicted Flair to lose the spot to Carlito at SNME. Shelton and RVD are great in these situations so I expect nothing less; and then you have Matt Hardy who I feel will be the complete whipping boy much like Christopher Daniels is in every Triple Threat or Fatal Four-Way match he is in. That’s not really a bad thing, just how I see it going. Like many ECW marks out there hope, I think RVD will pick up the win here and go on to take the title shot at One Night Stand. Will he win it? God only knows, but they have built RVD the most out of all these six men over the past few months so that’s really the logical and my personal choice right there. Just imagine what kind of WrestleMania moment that will make, huh?

Predicted Winner: Rob Van Dam

No Holds Barred Match

Vince McMahon Vs. Shawn Michaels

When I was watching Raw on Monday, I just keep thinking how idiotic it was to have a 60 year old man be on the same level as the young WWE Champion who has been on top for so long. I think I might get the same feeling here. No doubt the match will be good because it’s Shawn Michaels, WrestleMania, and Vince always has good matches at WrestleMania because he probably wouldn’t allow himself to have any less. Shane McMahon will probably make a run-in and as much as we all want it, I seriously doubt we will see Bret Hart tonight. It’s sad, but true. I think the Hitman will eventually make his return for his final moment, but not tonight in this kind of situation especially. My only hope in this match is that Vince doesn’t f*** up his legs again or any other body part for that matter. We all saw him at last year’s Rumble; no one wants to see that again. No wait, we kind of do. Come on; it was funny! Anyway, the match will be good, no doubt, and hopefully Shawn Michaels will pick up the win though I really see it going either way which is kind of sad.

Predicted Winner: Shawn Michaels

WWE Championship

John Cena (c) Vs. Triple H

Will Triple H carry Cena to his best match? Nope. Not even a chance. Will it be a good match though? Probably slightly better than average. Some big surprises could happen here though. Cena could turn heel, retain, they could do a double turn (which would make the most sense), et cetera. So much could happen here, but I think whatever does, will be overly indicative of the match that follows; or, if this one goes on last, vice versa. If a heel wins the match before the main event, expect the face to win the main event. On the same note, I think whichever match does go on first will have the heel winning. Here’s still hoping that the Triple Threat is the last match because last I heard, the Rumble winner won a shot in the main event at WrestleMania, not the second to last match. Anyway, I think Triple H will actually win the title here like we all think and no, Cena won’t turn heel. Why? Because he brings in too much merchandise and is way too marketable to pass up in WWE. If they turned him heel, it would really just cut all that in half which they’d never attempt to do.

Predicted Winner: Triple h

WWE World Heavyweight Championship

Triple Threat

Kurt Angle (c) Vs. Rey Mysterio Vs. Randy Orton

Here we go. The mother of all matches and what should and I think will be the match of the night. Three of the best in WWE going at it for the top title, not to mention Rey looking to smash his friend Eddie’s of being the smallest World champion in WWE history. The only logical thing in my mind would be to have Rey win to get that special moment we all want and then have him drop the belt to Orton over the summer. But this is WWE and they have been grooming Orton for a long time. One thing is for certain; Angle will not walk out of WrestleMania 22 champion. Sorry, Mr. Brown. I think this is the match everyone wants to see for the outcome and the match I think everyone will want to see after hearing how great it was. There is no reason this shouldn’t become the match of the night and year thus far, and with the end result we all want, there is no reason this shouldn’t be one of the top five Mania moments ever.

No reason, I say.

Predicted Winner: Rey Mysterio

And that’s WrestleMania 22. Is it the best card or near that? No. Is it the worst card or near that? No. No doubt this one won’t come close to WrestleManias X-Seven and XIX, but to say it will go down to the levels of IX, XI, 13, and XV is just plain harsh. It probably won’t even be much of a feat to beat last year’s to be honest. All I know is that this PPV has everyone watching to see if WWE can still go and I think they will prove them wrong. The show will still have its fault in the undercard, but in the end, it will probably be the best Mania since XIX in terms of quality, and if Rey wins, the best since X-Seven in terms of sheer emotion. Don’t forget to join me at’s

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