From his debut in WCW, through the utter abortion that was the series of Dungeon of Doom vignettes (â<80><9c>Its not hot!â<80>) and his mega-bump from the top of Cobo Hall, The Giant never proved he could be a draw. Not his fault, though. He worked his ass off, cut good promos and stayed in shape. Then came the â<80><9c>war.â<80> When WCW and the WWF raided talent with all the regularity of the diva STD testing program, Paul Wight, shockingly, caught the eye of Vince McMahon. I have no idea what attracted Vince to The Giant other than he was a 7 foot tall legit athlete who was, in many ways, still a mark. Vince signed him to a ten year deal. Never drew a dime. Thatâ<80><99>s a tough pill to swallow but, alas, its true. He has not paid off.
His recent return to WWE was marked by an immediate elevation to the crossover marquee match-up at Wrestlemania. I understand the booking but, again, it has failed. Big Show SHOULD be over. If you drew up the game plan, a 7 foot guy who, at least, knows how to work and can make you watch a full promo SHOULD headline Wrestlemania. The bad news is that it only took WWE fans a few weeks to realize that whatever Paul Wight never had, he still doesnâ<80><99>t have it.
So, its now three weeks until Wrestlemania 24 in Orlando. The McMahon vs. Trump match from last year worked. The Big Show vs. Mayweather crap from this year will not. I would humbly like to offer my Top Ten Crossover Matches to Save the Show:
10. Adnan Ghalib vs. Kevin Federline: What could be better than the Britneyâ<80><99>s baby-daddy taking on Britneyâ<80><99>s papparazzi boy toy?
9. Roger Clemens vs. Brian McNamee: This match-up may pose obvious wellness problems for the WWE but, for shear, guaranteed carnage – this one will deliver.
8. Eric Mangini vs Bill Bellichick: Student vs. teacher. Heel vs. heel. Boston vs. New York. How could this miss?
7. Konnan vs. Disco Inferno: Seriously, two fantastic promo men who could pop a buy rate in three weeks with one vocal chord tied behind their back. And, for the $20 million Vince is paying Mayweather (*snort*), he could get BOTH of these guys.
6. Pras vs. Lauryn Hill: Yeah, the man vs. woman thing is kind of a no-no but Pras called her out. â<80><9c>That broad is crazy.â<80> No gray area there. And, quite frankly, Lauryn Hill IS crazy. She would do it.
5. Christiane Plante vs. Linda Hogan Bollea. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. So this would be hell times two, right? Bonus: Brooke Hogan suspended in a cage over the ring.
4. Vida Guerra vs. The Game (not THAT Game): The Game claimed he made the beast with two backs with the Queen of Bodonkadonk. Hell who wouldnâ<80><99>t? But, apparently, Vida doesnâ<80><99>t just give it away and took fierce offense at The Gameâ<80><99>s claim. I bet The Game wouldnâ<80><99>t be game for this one. Sheâ<80><99>s pissed.
3. Mark Cuban vs. David Stern: Cuban will do anything (watch for him in next seasonâ<80><99>s â<80><9c>Dry Wall Installation with the Starsâ<80>) and he HATES Stern. Stern hates Cuban enough to sign the contract before he realizes what heâ<80><99>s done. Plus, I hate Stern and I want to see him get his weinee ass kicked.
2. Michael Anthony & Sammy Hagar vs. Eddie Van Halen & David Lee Roth: This feud skews old to be sure and the fact that all four are teetering on the edge of senility takes the edge off not withstanding, they would have a helluva duel for which had the better entrance music.
1. George Bush vs. Osama Bin Laden: Face it, the two biggest heels in the world squaring off in a Hell in a Cell match would draw a few million buys. And if Vince can keep finding Jimmy Snuka for his one-off shots – he can certainly find Bin Laden.
Vince, all is not lost. Its not too late to save Wrestlemania. Give me a call.
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