Vince McMahon’s Bad Day

Scott Hudson

We now bring you a transcript of a clandestine staff meeting in the conference room of WWE headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut, recorded with a super-secret hidden covert microphone just this morning:

â<80><9c>Alright, everyone, you know I am a busy man so we will forego the formalities and get straight to it. Any new business?â<80>

â<80><9c>Yeah, the Mothers Against Drunk Driving local do-gooder brigade have launched a protest against Santino Marella being featured on our television. Theyâ<80><99>re upset that a guy with a pending DWI charge is being held up as a role model for the kids.â<80>

â<80><9c>A role model for the kids?! They realize heâ<80><99>s a heel, right? Heâ<80><99>s a heel Fonzie cross-bred with Father Guido Sarducci! Jesus, who in their right mind would think this nut is a role model?!â<80>

â<80><9c>Vince they are staging what they are calling a booze-in at the White Plains show. Supposedly theyâ<80><99>re going to heave empty Pabst Blue Ribbon cans into the ring when ever Santino appears.â<80>

â<80><9c>Ah, Christ! Next!â<80>

â<80><9c>Yeah, Vince, the Home and Garden Television network notified us today that Mike Knox is about to start hosting a program on their channel.â<80>

â<80><9c>Finally, some good news! This will certainly help with the blue-haired 80-year-old widow demographic that the Sony Playstation guys are after so hard!â<80>

â<80><9c>Maybe not, Vince. Heâ<80><99>s hosting a show called â<80><9c>Pimp My Stashâ<80> which is about renovating your attic space to hide….â<80>

â<80><9c>Good God, no! Cancel it! Cancel it! Cancel It! Next!â<80>

â<80><9c>We just got a memo from the USA network. They are concerned that the ratings are slipping year-to-date and are wondering what weâ<80><99>ve got planned for the summer viewing season?â<80>

â<80><9c>The summer viewing season? The summer viewing season?! What do they want – naked, midget supermodels blowing up semi-trucks while Puddle of fâ<80><99>ing Mud plays the national anthem in a crowd of naked midget supermodels?!?!………ya know, on second thought, somebody write that down.â<80>

â<80><9c>They want something to appeal to the kids.â<80>

â<80><9c>Kids LOVE midgets! Next!â<80>

â<80><9c>Boss, bad news about William Regal. Heâ<80><99>s tested positive again. This is a number two.â<80>

â<80><9c>Great. Just fâ<80><99>ing great. The guy begs for a push and, since we have absolutely no freakinâ<80><99> idea where weâ<80><99>re going, we make him the king and GM of Raw and now this. I should have just gone a different way. Could have had King Mable II, General Manager Joey Styles, King Kofi Kingston, General Manager Festus, King The King. Good Christ can this day get any worse?â<80>

â<80><9c>Uh, Vince, Michael Hayes on the horn. Says something about a new character named Uncle Jemima?â<80>

â<80><9c>Tell him to hang on.â<80>

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