Wrestling Reality: Ripped Off Columns, Haas-Holes, Unforgiven, More


Anyone notice the new trend in the WWE? It seems like every time I write a column, 1-2 months later they rip me off. I write a column about the best finishing holds of all-time…they write a column about the best finishing holds of all-time. I write a column about the best theme songs of all-time…they write a column about the best theme songs of all-time. I write a column about how Dibiase/Rhodes need a rub from Randy Orton…Dibiase/Rhodes get a rub from Randy Orton. I’m laying even odds down that 2 months from now 5 new managers will debut and WWE.com will do a retrospective look at the success of Tough Enough. I mean seriously now…are they going to start paying me a commission? I’m going to intentionally start writing bad ideas in my column, so that they inadvertently screw themselves by ripping me off. And to whatever bozo writer’s assistant is reading my column right now and running back to the team with the report…tell all of my old cronies I say hi!

It’s really no wonder that they’d troll the internet to steal my ideas…after all, we are in the midst of yet another creative boom week for WWE. Let’s start all three shows exactly the same way! We’ll have the scramble participants do an interview in which they all interrupt each other, then they’ll start brawling, then we’ll set up matches involving the participants. What novel booking – are they even trying anymore? Nobody ever saw that coming! Also, maybe it’s just me, but I do not like the idea of the scramble at all. The champion should most certainly have to be pinned. What if the champion is the last one to enter? Then he only has 5 minutes to record a fall. Why don’t they simply all start at once? Also, this really makes the first 19 minutes of the match pointless. If you had to go through the champion to win, wouldn’t it have been cool if Henry just dominated the match and no fall was recorded and he simply retained? The strangest part about the timing of these matches is that on paper, it doesn’t seem like they should want any 3 of the titles to change hands. So, then why book a match that is entirely an excuse to have a cheap title change?

Why is Charlie Haas still employed? This guy hasn’t contributed anything ever. I distinctly recall when he was re-hired in 2005. In the WWE the right hand often doesn’t know what the left is doing. Creative often is the last to find out about a hire/re-hire and often has nothing for said wrestler – Test, Tatanka, Gangrel, and Haas’ re-hirings all come to mind. As one might expect, when he came back, there were no real ideas for him. Especially since they never let you reinvent a character…hence why Mark Henry has had the same failed gimmick for 10 years. So he went to work to pitch ideas for himself. His crowning suggestion was that his fans be called “Haas-holes.” I remembering the ensuing meeting vividly.

Vince: HAAS-holes? HAAS-holes?!?!? Who re-hired him? HAHAHAHA, HAAS-HOLES! HAAS-HOLES! I can just see the t shirts now!!! I have an idea…how about he gets some fans first before he pitches ideas to insult his fans? I don’t want his ideas. Man, that is an awful idea.

It’s rare, but I’ve got to agree with Vince on that one…terrible idea, Charlie. So the man sits of the shelf for much of the past 3 years and re-emerges to rip off other characters. They rip off my articles, so they may as well rip off some characters. For historical reference, let me offer some examples to illustrate how bad of any idea this is. The Rockers…Shawn Michaels & Marty Jannetty or Leif Cassidy and Marty Jannetty? The Midnight Express…Rose/Austin/Condrey/Lane/Eaton or “Bodacious” Bob Holly and “Bombastic” Bart Gunn? The Road Warriors or LOD w/Rocco the ventriloquist dummy? Diesel and Razor Ramon or Fake Diesel and Fake Razor? Original Horsemen or the Mongo McMichael Horsemen? And on and on. Please get this garbage off of my TV. Gimmick infringement is really weak…and the original is always better than the retread rip-off that follows.

Quickie Unforgiven predictions. First, the easy ones. Priceless retains over Cryme Tyme. McCool retains over Maryse. The Michaels/Jericho match will depend on Shawn’s injury status. I predict a no contest. Now…the scrambles. Henry will retain, because who else could viably be the champion? RAW comes down to Punk or Batista – it’s a toss up for me. I’m going to boldly state that Punk retains as well. Smackdown will give us the shocker of the night…one of Shelton, MVP, or Kendrick will win the title! Of course, they will get Pedigree’d and lose it back in a 30 second squash on SD!, but they’ll still try to shock the fans and sell the match with the surprise result.

In the next few weeks, you can expect the return of my “Best Of” list series, so we will have some good material to debate and the WWE will soon have even more material to steal.

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