Christian To WWE, Get Your Own Girl Batista, Plus Jeff Hardy


The wrestling world waits with baited breath to see where Christian (Cage) winds up. But does it really matter? Is he going to make a major difference anywhere? Did he make a major difference at TNA?

The answers are no, no and no. Not hatinâ<80><99>. Just sayinâ<80><99>.

I find Christian to be an entertaining performer, even if that CLB (Creepy Little Bastard) moniker did have a basis in fact looks-wise. But being an entertaining performer and drawing money are two different things.

No one is drawing money right now besides WWE as a brand name and John Cena as a merchandise distributor. Everyone else, sad to say, is incidental filler, killed off in WWE by the â<80><9c>audience of oneâ<80> mentality and killed off in TNA by the fact that very few care about the promotion. Kurt Angle, Mick Foley. Christian and other WWE alumni have been exposed in TNA because they just havenâ<80><99>t made a tangible difference. WWE made them hot back in the day, not vice-versa.

When it comes time for a guy like Christian to choose a promotion, heâ<80><99>s making a few decisions within the decisions.

Heâ<80><99>s choosing whether he wants to be a star, or somebody that works in pro wrestling. To the vast majority of the general public, the WWE guys are the stars. One WWE fan in my hometown, Pittsburgh, recently asked me, â<80><9c>Whatever happened to Kurt Angle?â<80> Remember, Angle also lives in Pittsburgh. TNA doesnâ<80><99>t exist to most people.

Heâ<80><99>s choosing whether he wants to work a breakneck schedule, or live a life of relative leisure for good money. This is where Angle made the right choice. Working the TNA schedule not only prolonged his career, it probably prolonged his life. Working the WWE schedule might have killed him.

For a performer at Christianâ<80><99>s level, money is almost incidental when it comes to deciding. Either way, heâ<80><99>ll do fine. Job security is about the same, too. WWE is releasing a lot of talent, but nobody at Christianâ<80><99>s level.

The â<80><9c>disappearanceâ<80> of Angle and Foley upon reaching TNA makes you realize that it’s almost impossible for a wrestler to maintain a sense of stardom to the general public without being part of the WWE machinery. Scott Hallâ<80><99>s greatest fame and drawing power came when he was in WCW, but at indie shows and during (ahem) unscheduled appearances on TNA, the fans always chant, â<80><9c>Razor, Razor.â<80>

If I were Christian, Iâ<80><99>d sign with WWE. At 35, heâ<80><99>s relatively young, and would be put in a good spot. His promos are outstanding and now, more than ever, wrestling is primarily about talking and character development. Edge seems to have carved out a permanent niche as a top guy in WWE. Christianâ<80><99>s always-available association with Edge would serve him well. Christianâ<80><99>s health seems good, so the schedule wouldnâ<80><99>t be a problem.

If anyone is really rooting for Christian to go back to WWE, itâ<80><99>s Tomko. Tomko recently re-signed with WWE and could really use that link.

But to get back to my original point, whatâ<80><99>s the difference? If Christian stays with TNA, TNA will still be the little engine that canâ<80><99>t. If Christian goes to WWE, it wonâ<80><99>t add appreciable buzz nor result in an upturn (or downturn) in business.

Wrestling fans fret about the most inconsequential things. But thatâ<80><99>s going to happen, because wrestling is becoming more inconsequential by the day. Mickey Rourke, donâ<80><99>t fail us now.


Is there a bigger pig than Batista? In his autobiography, he regaled us with tales of all the girls heâ<80><99>s screwed. Wow. I am SO impressed.

Also in said autobiography, Batista bragged about nailing Melina, who â<80>” at the time â<80>” was supposed to be in a monogamous relationship with Johnny Nitro. Now, in a recent interview, Batista talked about â<80><9c>datingâ<80> Kelly Kelly. But in an interview of her own, Kelly says that she’s in a relationship with Andrew â<80><9c>Testâ<80> Martin. Hey, Batista! Get your own girl, you jerk!

The whole thing would be boring, except it backs up my recent assertion in this column that the divas are the new rats. Remind me to tell you sometime about the former WWE diva who used to specialize in banging married guys not long after their wives had given birth. Headed for them just like a homing pigeon.

Some might think that all this frenzied rutting among employees is normal given the circumstances of the job, and maybe thatâ<80><99>s true. But consider this: What if all this serial fornicating â<80>” with a too-healthy dollop of adultery thrown in â<80>” went on under the roof of a major corporation like, say, Federated? Would it be tolerated?

Of course it wouldnâ<80><99>t. But, in the case of WWE, thatâ<80><99>s why the girls were put on the road in the first place.


Debate taste issues all you like when it comes to the Jeff Hardy OD fake-out, but at the end of the day, it served WWE no positive purpose, i.e., it didnâ<80><99>t work. No buzz, no pop, no rating, no buy rate. Thatâ<80><99>s how these things should be judged.

I hope you didnâ<80><99>t need this incident to realize WWE has no respect for those who really did sacrifice their lives while working for the company. Thatâ<80><99>s been evident all along. Unless youâ<80><99>re married to the princess, WWE employees are chattel, totally interchangeable. But as long as that Eddie Guerrero DVD sells, heyâ<80>¦allâ<80><99>s well that ends well

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