Predictions for 2009

Kevin Kelly

First, I want to thank everyone who has written emails to me following each of my articles during my time with Wrestlezone. It makes dealing with Chris Cash easier to take, trust me. Keep them coming.

Here are some of my predictions for the next year.

Jeff Hardy will not get fired in 2009. I am proud of this prediction because so many are concerned that he will slip and fall. I can’t base this prediction on any facts, just a gut feeling but something tells me the woman in his life is a stabilizing force that will help him keep the boat in the water.

Christian’s return to the WWE will mirror Chris Jericho’s. I think Christian will return hot but will almost as quickly be penalized with leaving for TNA by jobbing in some big spots. But, like Jericho, Christian will keep his heat and stay strong. I predict that many internet fans will rail against the losses but everything will turn out all right.

JBL will next market either the "Man-zeer" or the "Bro" (Seinfeld reference) and make money on the venture.

Mr. Kennedy will be repackaged as Pinocchio for telling lies but Disney will sue so they will just call him "Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire". This will turn out to be a win-win as they will come up with the first fireproof t-shirt that all his fans will wear.

The WWE will launch their own Celebrity Rehab show with Chyna as the host. That way, when the superstars get suspended for violating the Wellness Policy, they can keep them on TV. The show will be cancelled however when Jeff Conaway shows up and the Big Show eats him.

Tommy Dreamer will win a match of significance in 2009. I know… that’s shocking!

Triple H beats Edge for the WWE Championship at WrestleMania. Really going out on the limb there but c’mon! And Vladimir Kozlov will win the "Giant Gonzales Lifetime Achievement" award at the 2009 Slammys.

In MMA, Brock Lesnar will beat Frank Mir and become the undisputed UFC Heavyweight Champion.

In baseball, the Mets will be the best team in the National League until September when they will foul the bed again. Yours truly will then jump out a window and take his own life.

TNA will make no changes in 2009. Why should they when Dixie Carter says the company is making money? She testified as such at that Congressional hearing. But Don West will be replace by Billy Mays in commentary and it will be a hit because Billy will "double the offer", making all matches 2-out-of 3 falls.

Super Bowl on February 1? The Giants beat Baltimore 23-21. Tom Brady’s knee will prevent him from playing in 2009 and Pacman Jones will don an Orange Jumpsuit and do some hard time.

Mickey Rourke will get jobbed at the Oscars.

Congress will pass a law that allows citizens to slap anyone who talks loudly in a restaurant while on a Bluetooth.

I will continue to read each Mark Madden column every week and enjoy it enormously. I only wish Mark would say what he’s thinking.

So, we’ll see how many of these predictions come true. My best to all of you for a great 2009. Email me with some of predictions at

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