Complaining 201: Second Semester Wrestling Bitchfest

Eric Stein

Why say anything positive, when you can complain? Look at me, mom! I passed complaining 101 and I’ve advanced to second semester complaining! Diploma here I come!

 – I am not impressed by the release of The Boogeyman.  This is a complete failure of the creative process once again.  When the Boogeyman debuted…he spoke.  He was simultaneously creepy and hilarious with his repurposed nursery rhymes.  Then, one day while I worked for WWE, they wanted to do a segment in catering with The Boogeyman scaring Simon Dean.  If you recall, part of the gimmick is that The Boogeyman can be anywhere and haunt you.  So, Boogey was hidden under a platter and just to add some atmosphere, we put a few worms on the plate.  At the end of the segment, in the heat of the moment, Marty picked one up and put it in his mouth.  And just like that…gimmick ruined….because now he was boiled down the the worm guy and nothing else.  The next week I was on the phone with the "magic" department (WWE’s special effects and props dept) requesting 80 billion worms to be at the arena.  He magically lost the ability to speak and immediately became a one dimensional gimmick that was bound to tire.  They could have taken a lesson from Kane’s longevity here, but they didn’t.  And this is EXACTLY the type of midcard performer that the WWE needs and is lacking.  Boogey could pop the crowd and have interesting feuds without ever having to be within sniffing distance of a title.  A midcarder who could actually yield a reaction.  Marty Wright a very hard worker, who is well liked by his peers.  Add him the list of of many who were failed by creative.

– I am probably about as big of a Koko B. Ware fan that exists.  I own his action figure.  I know all of the words to Piledriver.  And as I mention easily once a month, I freakin’ loved the song BIRDMAN.  I’m also a huge Owen Hart mark, so Koko even gets the High Energy rub there.  That said, the notion that he is being inducted in the Hall of Fame is pretty damn insane.  This shouldn’t be about who has friends in the WWE or who is easy to contact.  How about the Von Erichs?  Demolition?  Million Dollar Man?  I mean, would they induct Gregory Helms into the HoF, because that’s a rough modern day equivalent.  Really, really odd.
– The scheduled MMA battle between former WWE superstars Ken Shamrock and Bobby Lashley is off due to some really nice work by Ken Shamrock (note the sarcasm).  What a shocker that he’s a steroid user.  The man is the walking poster child for ‘roid rage.  On the positive side, he probably indirectly saved his own life, as Bobby Lashley might have ended him for good when they fought.  He may have ultimately ended his career anyway though, because a one year suspension from fighting at his age and deteriorated skill set pretty much spells doom.  What a weak way to go out.
– How in the world did they not involve Sim Snuka in the Jimmy Snuka angle?  Even if he had made the save and then got squashed by Jericho later in the night.  Why is he even under contract when they won’t use him in the absolutely most obvious of situations?  This likely does not bode well for his future employment.
– I can verify that the "first draft" of the RAW script that was circulated around the web last week was indeed the formatting that is customarily used by the WWE.  However, it must have either been an intentional leak or I can assure you, somebody was fired.  They shred every piece of paper that has script information on it.  As a new draft comes out, the old ones bite the dust.  The scripts are not left laying out in the arenas.  In fact, they aren’t even seen by employees outside of the writer’s room.  To the poor Writer’s Assistant who forgot to shred it…..welcome to unemployment and I hope you’ll come and write for us at Wrestlezone soon, haha.
– I am absolutely disgusted by the booking for Wrestlemania.  Could it be any more haphazard and sloppy and pointless and boring?  The Big Show/Edge/Cena storyline is DREADFUL!  The soap opera love triangle over Vickie is ludicrous.  The inclusion of The Big Show is appalling.  Cena’s involvement is borderline non-sensical.  These guys have fought a trillion times.  Please put me out of my misery.  Of course, Triple H vs Orton is no prize either.  They fought at last year’s Mania.  As Mark Madden expressed, the home invasion angle was atrocious.  The whole thing has a terrible "been there, done that" feel to it.  Speaking of "been there, done that," why are people excited for HBK/’Taker like it’s some brand new, novel idea?  Hell, I just put on a random episode of RAW from 1997 on WWE 24/7 and the two of them were feuding!  Stale, thrown together, and meaningless.  For the 80th consecutive week, I will note that I hate the wrestlers they selected for MitB.  Same ole thing every single year.  It’d be nice to see Benjamin actually win, but I’m smart enough to know that won’t happen.  MVP has an outside chance.  But I think the second they entered Christian, we have our winner.  The way to get him off of ECW.  He’s good on a mic, which I think should be required of the winner.  The fact that he isn’t fighting for the ECW title, but is in this match at all, should cement this thought process.
Where are the inter-promotional matches?  The celebs?  The feuds that have been going on for more than 2 weeks?  The rest of the card?  There are currently 5 matches.  We all know the Hardys will be added (in light of their Smackdown angle, perhaps in a Dog Collar match) and JR seemed to oddly tip us off to a possible match between JBL and Kozlov (although 3 weeks out, that would currently make no sense).  And then Jericho vs ???.  Is that all we are getting?  Those 8 matches?  Rey has to be on the card.  Miz and Morrison have to be on the card!  Swagger!  Priceless?  Khali?  Umaga?  The Colons?  Knox?  Santino?  R Truth?  What are they doing?  
I’m Eric and I’ve approved this article. 


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