Every Junky’s Like a Settin’ Sun

Mark Madden

by Mark Madden

Kevin Kelly suggested WWE involve Charlie Sheen in WrestleMania. TNA’s response: Why hire Charlie Sheen when you’ve already got Jeff Hardy?

TNA has finally hit rock bottom. Everyone who allowed Jeff Hardy to go to the ring for Sunday’s pay-per-view main event should resign. If they don’t resign, Dixie Carter should fire them. It was a travesty beyond wrestling. I’m just glad Hardy isn’t a pilot and Dixie doesn’t own an airline.

Who benefited from Hardy’s working that abbreviated match with Sting?

Not the fans, as evidenced by them chanting THIS IS BULLS***! There were ways to get out of that main event. Have Hardy’s dealer attack him backstage for money past due. Or…tell the truth: “Jeff Hardy is too impaired to work tonight…SO WE FIRED HIS JUNKY ASS!” Loud roar replaces BULLS*** chant.

Sting sure didn’t benefit. Knowing Sting, I’m sure his outrage over Hardy’s condition premeditated the shortening of the match. Knowing Sting, I’m sure he’d have preferred wrestling somebody else. Anybody else.

TNA sure didn’t benefit. When was the last time a PPV ended like that? A promotion that specializes in looking foolish bottomed itself.

Hardy sure didn’t benefit. There he was, Jeff Hardy, the great junky champion, on display as he really is for everyone to see. ABSOLUTE GENIUS MOVE on WWE’s part to get rid of Hardy, and his worthless brother, too. These backyard wrestling giants think dirtsheet glory translates into being above the law. Yo, Glimmer twins…the SHEETS AND INTERNET HAVE TURNED ON YOU. You’re fresh out of fans, and I imagine you’re fresh out of friends, too.

So why in the FRIG did TNA trot Jeff Hardy out there for that match? I would love to hear the explanation, the rationalization. THERE’S NO GOOD EXCUSE.

So, here’s what TNA needs to do:

*TNA needs to fire Jeff Hardy, Matt Hardy and Shannon Moore. Jeff is a junky, Matt is a born malcontent and Shannon is a bit player who, unfortunately, must be known by the company he keeps. Erase any trace of the Hardy Boyz. You wanna see ‘em, try an indie show. Or a methadone clinic. Fans should not waste ONE MORE SECOND watching or worrying about these losers. Let ’em die.

Hey, maybe they could start their own company! Or a meth lab.

*TNA needs to fire everyone involved with the company’s administration. EVERYONE. Put Jim Ross in charge. Give him ABSOLUTE hire-and-fire power. Let Ross rebuild TNA from the ground up. Ross, not Paul Heyman, is TNA’s knight in shining armor. I love Paul, but he’s got a bit of the con artist about him. That’s the last thing TNA needs right now.

I don’t know that Ross would accept. He seems genuinely enthused by his role with WWE developmental, and switching companies at this time would be like vacating a penthouse apartment to move into a filling-station toilet. Still, J.R. might like to try his hand at what he watched Bill Watts do. Ross could do it, too.

The main thing to do is clean out TNA management. This was unforgivable, to say nothing of dangerous. What if Jeff Hardy doesn’t get up from that Scorpion Death Drop? Who’s responsible? Imagine what might have happened. Bischoff, Hogan, Jarrett, Russo…anyone who could have said no (or suggested no) and didn’t should do the honorable thing and resign. If not, they should be fired.

I wonder if Bob Carter knows what happened?

Don’t these cretins ever get tired of failing? Do they know no shame? This would embarrass me. For them, it’s another day’s pay.

Mark Madden hosts a radio show 3-6 p.m. weekdays on WXDX-FM, Pittsburgh, PA (105.9). Check out his web page at WXDX.com. Contact Mark by emailing WZMarkMadden@hotmail.com.

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