First Impressions; Rankings (That Don’t Really Matter)

Rankings (That don’t really matter)

1.)  Navy Seal Team Six, America’s Babyfaces- “Bad news, Osama, tonight you’re working with Seal Team Six and they’re going over.”

2.) Christian, World champ- Even if it was only for a blink in time, they can never erase his name from the history books and they can never take away one of the best pure, honest crowd pops in a long time.

3.) Matt Morgan, the other buff dude- Congratulations, Blueprint. You’ve always been pegged as a “future star,” but perhaps your work on the stick held you back. Don’t worry.  You’re working with Scott Steiner now. People will now start to confuse you with Roddy Piper on the mic.

4.) Brodus Clay’s head- Ladder 1, Brodus Clay’s head meat 0

5.) Kofi Kingston, U.S. Champion- Congratulations, Kofi. You took home the prestigious U.S. title. The same one once held by legends like One Man Gang, Steve McMichael, and Rhyno. It’s about time you got a title and chance to finally get over… Oh… wait…

The “Unsolicited TNA advice” of the week:

Whatever you do, don’t try to “rebrand” yourself in a vain attempt to capture the hordes and hordes of people no longer watching the WWE because they took the world “wrestling” out of their corporation’s name. Don’t do that. Don’t call your (only) television program The Wrestling Show or Total Non-Stop Grappling or, I don’t know, Impact Wrestling. Don’t do something like that because that would make it seem like you actually think one simple word long since removed from the WWE landscape is the one difference between your success and their failure. So, you know, make sure you don’t do that…

A New Place in History…

… for the Double Atomic Drop

While re-watching the main event of WrestleMania I, it struck me that we just don’t give the double atomic drop it’s true due and rightful place in history as one of the most devastating moves in history. Just think about it: Hulk Hogan is the greatest 23rd superstar of all-time and at the time of WM I he was nearly indestructible. Yet there he was, floored by a perfectly executed Double Atomic Drop at the hands of Rowdy Roddy Piper and Paul Orndorff.  His legs were weak, he flopped to the ground, he huffed and puffed. Come on! What a move. You and your partner grab your opponent, you lift him up, and you drop each of his legs onto the top of your legs and knees. It is that simple. You don’t need all these flips and jumps.  Just lift ‘em up and drop ‘em.

Oh, yeah, Hogan and Mr. T won.

Fast Count…

The way I see it…  Extreme Rules was better, beat for beat, than WrestleMania 27. With more time for the matches, only one dud of a match, great action, title changes, cool debuts, and a main event that delivered much better than ‘Mania, it helped restore some faith and excitement in the product.

I would totally love it if… someone could convince Mark Cuban to start his own wrestling promotion. He’s beyond rich, passionate, controversial, and a tad crazy. How has he not done more than a Raw guest host spot in this business?

I gotta think… R-Truth has got to get some credit for taking this heel turn and running with it. Yeah, it is still very, very early in the push, but there is a noticeable change in energy emanating from Truth.                                                                                                                                             

I must confess… I’m all for a Bully Ray run as TNA champion. They’re selling his quest for validation as a singles champion very well and it is, so far, an interesting wrinkle to a well-established and well-known character.

Come on, admit it… you would much rather have The Miz has your WWE champion as opposed to John Cena. Commmmmeeeee on, admit it.

Seriously… tell me how no one has died during a ladder match? Normal humans get nervous while climbing three steps to change a light bulb and these guys are leaping on, flying off, and taking some breathtaking bumps from the TOP of these things. Never ceases to amaze.  

Sure… I can deal with having Christy Hemme as a ring announcer.  

Quick…  how many times were the WWE top brass holding their breath while John Morrison hung precariously on the top of the Extreme Rules cage? One slip and we would have had ourselves an Oops Champion.

Ken Napzok is a writer, comedian, and pro wrestling manager living in Los Angeles. He, too, wants to be able to buy an official Woo Woo Woo headband online. It can replace the homemade one he is wearing now. He can be followed online at twitter.com/kozpan and twitter.com/TexTunney or contacted at wzkennapzok@gmail.com.

 

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