C’mon, Guys: Chinese Man Jams Eggplant Up Butt To Relieve Constipation

Close-Up Of Eggplant Over White Background. Photo: Tom Kolossa / EyeEm (Getty)

We all understand that not being on a schedule, so to speak, can drive a man crazy. But for the love of god, dude, this is pretty ridiculous.

According to NewsView, a constipated 50-year-old Chinese man recently went two days without dropping a deuce. He then came to the logical solution of cramming an eggplant into his rectum. Sure, that sounds like a good way to “rectify” the situation.

Well, except for the fact that it was not.

eggplant

Cropped Hand Of Man Holding Eggplant Over Table. Photo: Krzysztof Krysiak / EyeEm (Getty)

On top of not crapping for another two days, the man reportedly began experiencing bouts of nausea and vomiting. His attempts to remove the 30-centimeter long piece of fruit proved to be futile. Reasons for that range from giant pieces of fruit don’t belong in your butt to the fact that it was jammed so far up his ass it was actually pressing on his lungs.

The dude finally decided to tuck his tail (or eggplant) between his legs and go to the hospital for help. Doctors then performed an emergency surgery. They were able to successfully remove the eggplant damn near “entirely intact.”

We’re not sure which is worse: Chinese Man’s Rectum Falls Out After Spending 30 Minutes On The Toilet Playing On His Phone

The man is expected to make a full recovery. Hopefully, he’ll take some time while he’s recuperating to look up “laxative” in the dictionary. We’ve never seen a Chinese dictionary, but our hunch is much like its American counterpart, he won’t find “eggplant in anus” anywhere in the definition.

And that, kids, is what we call a learning experience.