100 meter dash

Usain Bolt is fast. We know this is true not only because he blew away yet another field of other extremely fleet-footed humans at the Olympics on Sunday, but because the Jamaican track stud repeatedly tells us so. But let's face it, 9.63 over 100 meters isn't all that. I personally know someone who could conceivably cover that distance much more quickly. In fact, the dude poops in my living room. I'm talking about my cat, George. Sure, George sleeps 15 hours a day, licks his own anus and thinks hand shadows on the wall are real. And come to think of it, the only time he breaks into an all-out sprint is when he hears me opening a can of Weruva Paw Lickin' Chicken. Still, my cat is faster ...