Idiots Want to Prevent Kanye West From Headlining Glastonbury 2015

Kanye West has been announced as a Glastonbury 2015 headline act, and apparently people find this news shocking. One of the most popular and successful artists of the last decade headlining arguably the most famous music festival in the world? Colour me surprised. 

Inevitably, the news has been met with a divisive reception. Right-minded folk recognise that securing Kanye as a headliner is a huge coup for Glasto organiser Michael Eavis & co. while those opposed to Yeezy believe it to somehow be a step backwards for the festival. One such naysayer is UK resident Neil Lonsdale, who has posted a Change.org petition calling for Eavis to “cancel Kanye West’s headline slot and get a rock band”, in a display of gross entitlement that even Mr. West himself would balk at, though Lonsdale hasn’t created anything in his life to rival the genius of Yeezus that would warrant his attempt to change the course of music history.

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The petition has now garnered over 125,000 signatures, with 150,000 needed before Lonsdale will send the petition to the Eavis residence where it will promptly be put in their shredder before West performs to a packed, raucous crowd at Worthy Farm. 

The description of the petition penned by Lonsdale reads: 

“Kanye West is an insult to music fans all over the world. We spend hundreds of pounds to attend glasto, and by doing so, expect a certain level of entertainment. 

Kanye has been very outspoken on his views on music….he should listen to his own advice and pass his headline slot on to someone deserving!

Lets prevent this musical injustice now!”

It would be interesting to find out who Mr. Lonsdale believes is more deserving of the headline slot than Kanye. Over the course of the past two years we’ve seen the shambling undead corpses of The Rolling Stones take to the Pyramid Stage, the Ghosts of Metallica Past, Mumford & Sons and Kasabian. Before that, Beyoncé was wedged in between Dad-rock specialists U2 and Coldplay. Though the belief that Glasto should only be headlined by old white men holding guitars is routinely perpetuated by those who want to keep diversity out of the festival at all costs (or at least from behind the security of their desktop monitor/iPhone screen), Glastonbury has always been one of the most eclectic festivals the UK has to offer.

The petition’s supporters would likely want to see the Gallagher brothers reunite and headline the Pyramid Stage for the rest of eternity.

However, the problem with Change.org is that any old nutter can take it upon themselves to start a petition and soon find themselves gathering a ludicrous online following. Consider Mr. Lonsdale’s interview with NME, in which he describes himself in a way which wouldn’t feel out of place on the bio of a 15-year-old’s MySpace profile. A self-proclaimed “rock kid,” Lonsdale explained his contention with West’s booking thusly: “My beef is not with the [rap] genre. My beef is with the stage and the fact it’s a headline slot,” before concluding that Kanye is “lyrically appalling” and that “Glastonbury is an institution. It is expected that it has the biggest names. The biggest performers. Kanye does not represent that.”

To suggest that Kanye West isn’t one of the biggest names in music is obviously ridiculous, and considering Lonsdale is the creator of a petition which has received almost 150,000 signatures in a matter of mere days should likely indicate to him that, while not everyone is pro-Yeezy, he’s a big deal. The amount of support the petition has received, though, stands to highlight a darker side to the anti-Kanye brigade, one which highlights the thinly-veiled racism worn on the sleeves of the rapper/music producer’s opponents.

 Humility isn’t a trait that Kanye possesses, but there are an abundance of white musicians who are of a similarly egotistical persuasion.

In his interview with NME, Lonsdale pointed to Kanye West’s BRIT Awards performance, in which he was joined onstage by the likes of Skepta and Boy Better Know, describing it as “threatening.” Was it threatening because the stage largely consisted of hooded black men? Kanye has been outspoken about the matter of racism in the past and, inevitably, his words have been written off as the ramblings of a mad man with an inflated sense of self-worth. But he’s right. Yes, humility isn’t a trait that Kanye possesses, but there are an abundance of white musicians who are of a similarly egotistical persuasion.

Oasis, a band who many desperately wanted to see reform in time for a Glastonbury 2015 performance, was fronted by the incredibly self-assured Liam Gallagher and Noel Gallagher. The band’s discography consists of two standouts and a selection of releases that achieved only a middling response, though the Gallaghers would be welcomed onto the Pyramid stage with open arms. U2 frontman Bono, who has a history of making almost offensively arrogant remarks and has also been responsible for ducking paying taxes in the UK whilst simultaneously asking us to fork out our money for his charitable ventures, had no petition created to prevent him from taking to the Pyramid. 

Somehow, though, things are different for Kanye. His self-assurance somehow makes him an “insult to music fans all over the world,” despite him having a discography of critically acclaimed and commercially successful LPs boasting a slew of tracks that will bring Worthy Farm to its feet. But we’ve been here before. Back in 2008, when Jay-Z was announced as one of Glastonbury’s headline acts, there was a huge backlash. Noel Gallagher vocally came out as an opponent of the decision, saying: “Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music. I’m not having hip-hop at Glastonbury. It’s wrong.” As history dictates, hip-hop certainly does have a place at Glastonbury, as Jay-Z tore the roof off the Pyramid stage with a set that included a knowing cover of ‘Wonderfall’.

History will repeat itself with Kanye, and the like of Neil Lonsdale and his band of followers will be forced to sit quietly and eat their words… until another petition is circulated when Kendrick Lamar is announced as a headline act in 2018.

Photos: Getty Images

 

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