Guys, Our Parents Have Hooked Up With Way More People Than We Have

Have you ever walked in on your parents “doing the deed?” You know, like, having rough, raucous sex in the bed you were probably conceived in?

Many unfortunate offspring have, and witnessing the unsettling combination of slapping sounds, middle-aged nudity, and the bold fact that these two people are the reason you exist is enough to render a good man blind. Its effects are not unlike a sexual lunar eclipse.

Photo: Fox

If you were one of these unfortunate inquisitors, it would make sense. I mean, according to research, our parents have had WAY more sex with WAY more people than we have or had.

It’s True, Guys. Numerous Studies Confirm This Fact

Not only do our parents have more sex than us, but a study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that millennials tend to have not only fewer partners than mom and dad, but fewer than our grandparents (in some cases) as well!

Sad, right? Gross, too.

Researchers studied over 40 years of sexual data from more than 33,000 Americans and found that those born in the ‘50s and ‘60s (baby boomers) had the most sexual partners, this grotesque number of mention being 11. Millennials on the other hand? We only had eight.

While the above information is true, another study published in the Archives of Human Behavior found that millennials are more likely to have “casual” sex than earlier generations. This ratio is 38 percent to 25.

Since this information didn’t match up for researchers, they — perhaps unjustly — concluded that the reason for the discrepancy is that we’ve elected a new mating method: friends with benefits.

But even though we’re having less sex than our parents have, we, the beaming children born into the lives of our sexually expressive parents, have managed to ruin that sexual streak.

According to a poll released by Parenting magazine and HLN’s “Raising America with Kyra Phillips”, who polled more than 1,000 men and women, 45 percent of respondents have sex with their partner once or twice a week. Which is pretty damn good. But it only goes downhill from here: 30 percent only got it in once a month.

The remaining percent somehow managed to have sex even less than that. Their reasons for the sudden lack of sex that was once so bountiful? They are “too tired” and/or “too busy”.

Considering the popularity of “Hookup apps” like Tinder, Grindr and the like, most are baffled by the conclusions by these studies. I mean, we’ve coined the term “hookup culture.” So before we get to why these stats don’t match societal perceptions, let’s talk about yet another study, shall we?

This “yet another study” was conducted by Florida Atlantic University, who again, found that we’re the most sex starved generation since the 1920’s. That means 20-24-year-olds today are the most likely to abstain from sex than any other generation in 90 years. 90!

The study found that as much as 15 percent of this younger age group have had no sexual partners since turning 18, compared to just six percent born in the ‘60s, meaning we register on the same level as those who turned 20 during the years of World War Two. Which I mean, when you compare the living situations, is pretty damn sad/embarrassing/pathetic.

OK. But Why? Why Are We Such Prudes Compared To Mom And Dad?

OK, so now that we’re aware of the fact that we’re all unengaged prudes, let’s talk about the reasons why we are this way.

Trying to make sense of this strange societal climate where casual/gay/whatever sex has never been more accepted (we are, without a doubt, the most progressive generation, especially regarding sex. Among 18- to 29-year-olds in the 2010s, 56% believe there is nothing wrong with same-sex relationships, up from 21% of boomers in the 1970s) the question remains: Why in the hell are we still not having any sex?

Aside from electing friends with benefits as a relationship model, researchers have also attributed our stale sex lives to a “later maturation process”, meaning, like getting a job, getting married and spawning children, we just get to things a little later than most other generations do. Which could be true, but I’m not buying it.

Photo: Universal Pictures

Another, more likely possibility could be the result of a lack of social interaction. I mean, we use our phones to do 90 percent of our communicating on any given day, and most of that interaction is through text or email, which is incredibly impersonal. Our generation is far less likely to interact the traditional way, and this is impacting how often we have sex and with who. 

Finally, and most complimentary, researchers have suggested we have sex with fewer partners because we’re less pressured to have sex we’re not completely into it. The idea of consent have been successfully introduced to our generation, and we’re far more picky with the people we choose to have sex with.

So hey, it’s not all that bad. We might have fewer partners than our parents, but we prioritize quality over quantity.

Mom, why? 16 Confessions From Teachers And Parents Who Had Sex

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