There are so many funny things about sex that we normally don’t talk about, and asking your partner to put your penis in their mouth is definitely one of them. These hilarious guys and girls have some very humorous perspectives on it and were kind enough to share them on the Internet. Here are 31 of the funniest blow job tweets of all time.
Is it “blowjob” one word or “blow job” two words?
God I hate writing thank you cards.
— denise (@Stellacopter) October 15, 2012
Merry Christmas from these blowjob statues in my in-laws house. pic.twitter.com/UwSY8iGFNj
— Timothy Simons (@timothycsimons) December 22, 2014
It’s called St. Valentine’s Day because St. Blowjob for Jewelry Day just didn’t have the same ring to it.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) February 9, 2012
pretty cool that you can sneeze during a blow job and kill a guy
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) April 13, 2015
I never know what to do with my hands during a blowjob.
Put them behind my head, behind her head?
Fuck it, I’m going with two thumbs up.
— Shane (@shanethevein) May 18, 2013
The only drawback to driving a PT Cruiser is having to constantly look down to make sure you aren’t getting a blowjob
— Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) December 14, 2012
Porn “Ratatouille”: a rat lives in my mouth and gives u a great blowjob
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) April 19, 2016
straight from a Cosmo blow job tip column pic.twitter.com/2HEppzcXFs
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 8, 2016
Popsicles: offering blowjob practice since1905
— JAY [ham] KAY (@NurseMurderer) July 28, 2013
In 50 years you’ll be bragging to your grandson about sexting, while he’s getting a blowjob from his girlfriend’s hologram.
— JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) July 12, 2013
Whoever received the first blowjob in history was the most persuasive man of all time
— Jake Weisman (@weismanjake) July 8, 2013
Eating turkey bacon is like getting a blowjob, but on your elbow.
— Alex Baze (@bazecraze) April 1, 2013
“OMG please cum
Please cum
Please cum
Please cum
Please cum
Please cum
Please cum
Please cum ALREADY!”-what girls think during a blowjob
— Amber (@Amburglar_) January 23, 2013
Its fun to say “Okay, open wide!” and make airplane noises write before a blow job.
— pauly casillas (@PaulyPeligroso) February 28, 2014
me: I got a blow job
friend: really?
me: yeah… i got a job selling blow
friend:
friend: wait you’re selling cocaine?— josh (@ruinedpicnic) March 14, 2016
Who ever said ‘imitation is the best form of flattery’ has clearly never had a blowjob.
— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) March 21, 2014
blowjob a is “job”
but when you go down on a girl you’re “eating out”
sounds more fun to have a fancy dinner than go to work at your job— Max Landis (@Uptomyknees) January 5, 2016
when I see a girl tie a cherry stem with her tongue I put a whole fish in my mouth and pull out the skeleton then I leave with her boyfriend
— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) November 3, 2012
Fatherhood is explaining Dan Akroyd’s ghost blowjob. pic.twitter.com/w3WG2AqS12
— Gerry Duggan (@GerryDuggan) April 3, 2016
*quietly tries to open a bag of chips during a blow job*
— PapeяWash© (@PaperWash) January 31, 2015
In the memo of the check for my taxes, I wrote “Toothy blowjob”.
— Julius Sharpe (@juliussharpe) March 30, 2012
I’m sorry, but if I’m giving you a blowjob and a song I like comes on, I’m using your penis as a microphone.
— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) February 28, 2012
made a cute lil blowjob post-it flip-book thing on my lunch break last week #cute #helpful #howto https://t.co/GPPdPoEJP3
— j e s s (@eye_like_sharx) April 6, 2015
when ur giving a blowjob and he shoves it down your throat when u weren’t ready pic.twitter.com/1c1RKIbcgh
— Elijah Daniel (@aguywithnolife) November 11, 2014
A blowjob from Nancy Grace counts as anal sex.
— Jocelyn Plums (@FilthyRichmond) June 30, 2013
Mom always gives Dad a blowjob on Father’s Day, which is soooooooo gross because he’s been dead 15 years.
— Princess Anús (@Slashleen) June 16, 2013
If I win the Powerball I’ll probably keep going in to work every day (to flip off my former coworkers then go back home to Blowjob Mansion).
— Bryan Donaldson (@TheNardvark) May 19, 2013
drizzling Elmers glue on my face because I want my friends to think I finally gave someone a blow job
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) January 4, 2014
The best way to offer a guy a blowjob is to tell him you want to put it in your lasagna hole.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) September 27, 2014
The day my husband got down on his knees to propose I thought “oh wow my first blowjob.”
— denise (@Stellacopter) February 28, 2015
Bucket list: give head while wearing the glasses w/ the googley eyes on springs, keep apologizing and putting them back in as they fall out.
— Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) November 26, 2012
