The Most Bizarre Flavored Lube Out There
Photo: RyanJLane (Getty Images)
Numerous sex experts (if that’s even a real thing) say that couples should use lube as often as possible because it reduces the chance of injury, irritation and ultimately results in a much better sexual experience. Today, you can buy lube pretty much anywhere and even choose the flavor that best suits you. Of course, since the world is full of weird people, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that there are various bizarrely-flavored lubes out there on the web. Whether people use them and why is something we probably don’t want to know. Take a look at this uniquely bizarre list.
First up is whiskey. We get it – whiskey is the manliest drink out there, so why shouldn’t everything taste like it? However, there is something quite wrong in going down on a girl only to smell alcohol radiating from her private place. If he doesn’t know she’s using a lube, he might as well assume that she is a raging alcoholic with a serious problem (taking her drinks any way possible). Also, if it’s not quality whiskey (and it’s unlikely lubes would use it), what’s the point? A bad whiskey is worse than no whiskey at all.
You know how sometimes, in order to assure you have a fresh breath before a makeout session, you grab a chewing gum or two? Well, that’s probably what these manufacturers had in mind, just from the opposite end. If nothing else, this unique flavor will remind you of the good old days when all you had to think about was how to approach your crush after class.
We get it, a banana is shaped like a penis and therefore must be a turn-on for all the women in the world. That is why they decided to create a banana-flavored lube. However, is it really so? Have you ever seen a woman orgasmically groan while eating a banana (except in low-quality porn)? The answer is no, so having a banana lube is just plain stupid.
We understand that you like to roll a joint or two in your free time and there’s nothing wrong with that (unless it’s illegal in your state – in which case you should be ashamed!) but why would you want your private parts to smell like it? Even worse, why would you want it to taste like weed? This was probably created by someone who doesn’t know that much about weed, or sex for that matter. It is good to know, though, that you can still get some if you want.
OK, as we go closer to the end of the list, things seem to get more and more bizarre, unfortunately. According to various sources on the web (and you should always trust the internet cause you basically live there), one of the latest crazes when it comes to lubes is the bacon-flavored lube. Truth be told, eggs and bacon are really a great breakfast, but it’s in no way sexy. Not only would you have to be pretty in love with bacon, you’d also have to find a girl who is willing to support your bacon obsession even in bed. If you don’t break up after that, you two are meant to be.
At the very end is the strangest of lube-flavors ever. Namely, a company on the web makes a lube with the taste of an actual sperm. This is both confusing and disgusting, in a way. The first thing you need to think about is what sample they were using to create this strange and probably unsafe mixture. Is this lube going to get your girlfriend pregnant with someone else’s semen? If that is the case, why don’t you just use your own? Far too many disgusting questions, so we’ll just leave it at that.
Have you tried any of these lubes? Would you use any of them or do you prefer regular, water-based lube? Let us know.