10 Ways To Get Rid Of Your Inappropriate Boner

Photo: grinvalds (Getty)

Sometimes — well, most of the time — an unprovoked boner can pop up at very inopportune times in very public settings. Whether your excited johnson decides to suddenly present itself at a wedding, at work, or hell, even at a funeral, these boners make their presence profoundly known without much regard for our current circumstance.

As such, a man has to get crafty real quick. That’s why I’ve offered the 10 techniques for hiding your inappropriate boner below, which incorporates every conceivable method from the classics, to more innovative options for the most desperate of times.

Before I get straight to it though, I should add here that most of these techniques may be more difficult to employ when wearing track pants, basketball shorts, or some other similar form of thin-material, slack-offering, lower body garment.

Most of these techniques are effective when outfitted in jeans, cargo shorts, or dress pants. You know, something structural and somewhat stiff, because you’re going to have to rely at least somewhat on your attire for these techniques to be 100 percent effective.

Crisis Averted: 10 Ways To Get Rid Of Your Inappropriate Boner

So now that you’ve gone through all those tips, keep them in the back of your mind and be sure to think quick and take care of your situation if it…um…arises at the worst possible moment. And when you do, you can always thank us, as usual.

And hey, here are some facts for you: The Average American Dude Apparently Gets 11 Boners A Day