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Random Thought

In Venice, Italy they don’t have streets, they have canals. So in Venice, we gotta keep the kids off the canals.

— Mitch Hedberg
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

— Mitch Hedberg
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

— Mitch Hedberg
I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

— Mitch Hedberg
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?

— Mitch Hedberg
Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something.

— Mitch Hedberg