Sofia Vergara Gives No Damns

Sofia Vergara


A day after they were dressing up their cats like Beyonce after she twerked on a stripper pole and humped furniture in front of her 2-year old, feminists the world over collectively dropped their crochet needles to voice their displeasure over Sofia Vergara‘s bit at the Emmys last night. She doesn’t give a fuck.

During the 66th annual awards, the Modern Family actress stepped onto on a slowly rotating pedestal, showing off her curves while the president of the Academy of Television Arts & Sciences Bruce Rosenblum did his annual dull drone-speech. The gag was immediately slammed on Twitter and some news sites: “A very troubling turn,” wrote HuffPo. “She was treated like a literal object,” fumed Jezebel. “A bizarre, objectifying Emmy moment,” headlined Salon. Yet when asked whether the stunt was sexist and demeaning, Vergara shot back: “I think its absolutely the opposite. It means that somebody can be hot and also be funny and make fun of herself. I think it’s ridiculous that somebody started this—I know who she was—who has no sense of humor [and should] lighten up a little bit.” It’s not immediately clear who Vergara was referring to has having started the criticism.

I don’t want to sound like a woman here, but this literally makes no sense. We all saw what Beyonce did, and we all saw what Sofia Vergara did, sooo….like what’s the difference? Seriously. Tell the difference. I need to know. Beyonce is a rich, famous, woman who chooses to hypersexualize herself even though she’s reached a point where that’s not a patriarchal requirement. Sofia Vergara’s entire career has been built on her sex appeal and goofiness, so of course she would agree to to this. Was it lame? Yeah. Was it misogyny? Sure, if that’s what you to call it. Or, maybe, it could be a hot ass woman who knows she’s hot and is cool with being in on the joke however lame it might be. Vergara is obviously fine with being a caricature of herself, and here’s the shocking twist, that doesn’t mean she’s a direct reflection on you. Trust me, if I see you, I won’t be thinking about Sofia Vergara. Especially if you continue to wear those yoga pants you have convinced yourself that they fit. I only think about Sofia Vergara when I’m thinking about Sofia Vergara.  If a woman has a right to choose what she does with her own body, then a woman has a right to do choose what she wants to do with her own body.  That sentence isn’t just limited to abortions and birth control. Women, we love you. We all do. But at some point you need to learn to get out of your own way.  I’ll be in the kitchen doing stuff because I feel the patriarchy shouldn’t define my gender role. Gurrll, don’t be mad. Wait until you get a bite of this omelet.