Kim Kardashian Is Mad Because We Don’t Believe She Can Defy Physiology With Her Mind

On June 15th, Kim Kardashian gave birth to Baby Yeezus. Today is November 21st, and she claims to have lost 50 pounds through diet and exercise. Read those two sentences again. I know, bullshit. So it's really not surpsrising that Life & Style is reporting that Kim actually lost $80K by getting plastic surgery (including fillers, stretch-mark treatments and a fat-reducing ultrasound procedure on her stomach that costs up to $5,000 a session) and more in calls to paparazzi to photograph her leaving a gym (“She even wore workout clothes to throw off the photographers and begged them to make it look like she was going inside to work out, not to get laser treatments"). But despite everything coming out of the Kardashian's mouth being a calculated lie so they can manipulate the media and form their own version of the truth, Kim went on a Twitter rant last night (Thanks, Kanye) to further perpetuate the lie that she's ever worked in her entire life.

I am very frustrated today seeing reports that I got surgery to lose my baby weight! This is FALSE. I worked so hard to train myself to eat right & healthy, I work out so hard & this was such a challenge for me but I did it!!! I'm so proud of my accomplishment & NO ONE will take this away from me with fake reports! Say what u want about me but I work hard & am the most disciplined person u will ever meet!

I honestly don't even know where to begin here, because Kim Kardashian claims the only plastic surgeon she's ever had in her life is botox despite the fact she's had more plastic surgery than a burn victim getting a gender reassignment. The junior high video club did manage to take off 100 pounds in the "Bound2" video with the Windows 95 software they had, so I guess that's what we're supposed to use to compare to the billions of pictures that are currently available online this week that make her look like an Armenian Grimace in clothes Kanye picked out. At this point, just say you had the surgery, because honestly, who really gives a shit? It's 2013. Do me a favor and let Kanye's next video director know.