Kate Upton Is Dating Some Dude Whose Name I Can’t Spell

Now that she's old enough to take to a bar, PR magazines like Us Weekly are now allowed speculate and report on who Kate Upton is having sex with. Her relationships with Mark Sanchez and the baseball dude weren't really covered, but now thanks to her publicist leaking information, we are now priviliged to learn that she's dating a dude from DWTS who also appeared on the Ukraine version of The Bachelor. Be jealous, ladies! Us Weekly reports:

Kate Upton turned 21 on Monday, June 10 — and the buxom blonde may have celebrated her milestone birthday with a new man. The two-time Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue cover girl is rumored to be dating Dancing With the Stars pro Maksim Chmerkovskiy multiple insiders tell Us Weekly exclusively. "It's very new," a source says of the stars' alleged romance. "They were set up through friends. They just started dating." When contacted by Us, Chmerkovskiy's rep declined to comment on his personal life. A source close to Upton, meanwhile, said that the two are not dating and that they have known each other for a long time and are just good friends. Her rep had no comment. Whatever their status, the pair certainly looked like a couple when they dined a deux at Scalinatella in New York City's Upper East Side neighborhood. "They were very canoodly," an eyewitness tells Us, noting that the birthday girl and her purported beau arrived late and were holding hands at the table. "It was a very intimate meal."

Her dating life appears to be in line with her career track. When she was on the cover of the SI Swimsuit Issue she was dating NFL quarterbacks, and now that she's Girl #3 in a Gillette razor commercial, she's dating some dude who wears sequins and leotards on a show that old people watch. I think people are starting to figure out that Kate Upton has huge boobs….and that's pretty much it. I don't think was born with a waist. And what's up with her legs? Does she have polio? Why are they atrophied? Lots of questions here.