Heidi Klum Is A Hero

Sasquatch 2013: Bloc Party

Heidi Klum was on vacation in Hawaii this weekend when her two kids and the nanny got sucked into a riptide and almost drowned, but Klum rescued them. What a shitty nanny. People reports:

“We got pulled into the ocean by a big wave. Of course, as a mother, I was very scared for my child and everyone else in the water,” Klum, 39, says in a statement. “Henry is a strong swimmer and was able to swim back to land. We were able to get everyone out safely.”

If you read the article, it looks like her actual boyfriend saved everybody, but her boyfriend was never a Victoria’s Secret model, so honestly, why would we care? Seal probably couldn’t have helped because he would’ve been eaten by a shark. What? Because…his name is Seal….and he’s black….and sharks like to eat seals…who are black. Oh, whatever man! You know what I meant. Stop looking at me like that. You don’t know me or my life.