Pippa Middleton Is A Best-Selling Author. HAHA JK

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When you tell a woman that she’s hot and give her attention, she believes she can do anything. So despite having an comically large inbred head and only being famous because he sister married their cousin who happened to be a prince, the world went apeshit for Pippa Middleton for about six months a while ago. So she took that as the rest of world would want to know her secrets for hosting a successful party. SPOILER: They didn’t. Radar Online reports:

Prince William’s sister-in-law’s hardcover book, Celebrate: A Year of Festivities for Families and Friends, published on October 30, has sold so poorly in England that WHSmith has just reduced the price from $40.63 to $10.16. In the 400 page book, Middleton gives her secrets to hosting a successful party, which includes recipes, crafts, traditional games, and trivia suitable for each occasion. But reviews have been scathing, with critics poking fun at Pippa’s tips for building bonfires and hanging donuts from trees and her obvious suggestions, such as, “ice goes great with drinks” and “a turkey at Christmas time is good for large gatherings.” One Amazon reviewer declared, “what a waste of dead trees.”

I’m not gonna lie, I bought this book yesterday. Did you know that you should buy candy for Halloween or that chicken is the main ingredient in fried chicken? I was amazed to find out that champagne is great in something called a “champagne glass”. Thanks, Pippa!