Taylor Swift Already Gave It Up To Harry Styles

Star Trek Into Darkness (2013)

A little over a month ago, high school junior Conor Kennedy dumped Taylor Swift because she was a smothering, codependent mess picking out table arrangements after their first date. And since she apparently confuses vagina secretions with undying, true love, she hooked up with a guy who appeared on her last album almost immediately. Now she’s fucking Harry Styles because she can’t seem to not pass the pussy out like Tic-Tacs. TMZ reports:

The canoodling has escalated to FULL ON PDA … with country music dating machine Taylor Swift HOLDING HANDS with One Direction singer Harry Styles as they arrived to her NYC hotel in the wee hours of Tuesday morning. 10:00 AM — Harry and Taylor left the same hotel moments ago, just minutes apart from each other.

Taylor. Slow it down, homey. Your vagina is gonna look like a chewed up pack of gum here in a minute. If you were a dog, none of the puppies in your litter would look alike. Seriously. It’s okay to be single for five minutes. Don’t worry. Breathe. We’ll all be here when you get back.