Britney Can’t Use The Internet Or Her Phone Without Permission

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Because she’s fucking crazy, Britney Spears has been under a conservatorship for almost five years now, and there’s really no plans for it to end. All that’s really missing from this story is a teapot singing about the magic of Stockholm Syndrome. Radar Online reports:

“Britney’s cell phone and internet use is restricted and heavily monitored, and this is done for her protection,” a source close to the situation tells Radar. “Britney’s father, Jamie, and her fiance, Jason, want to make sure that her former manager, Sam Lutfi, isn’t able to contact her. Britney and Jason essentially share a cell phone, and it’s routinely checked to see who has been calling. Furthermore, the cell phones have been programmed to block calls from phone numbers associated with Lutfi. Brit’s computer usage is also restricted in the sense that certain websites are blocked. Her family doesn’t want Britney reading negative stories that would upset her. Again, this is all done with love and for her well-being.”

As you read this, please keep in mind that Britney Spears is 30 and can’t use the Internet without parental controls activated. I was talking into watching the premiere of X-Factor, and I spent most of the time wondering how much the show budgets for bear tranquilizers. They could have sat Britney in front of a live child abduction and she would clapped and smiled at least six times.