Katy Perry Is In Love With John Mayer. Awesome.

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John Mayer met Katy Perry, dated her for a few weeks, then dumped her without warning by email, thereby activating the crazy woman insecurity gene that will now make Katy Perry question her very existence, ditch all her friends, disavow her core beliefs, abandon her sense of self, and pick out baby names until John Mayer pays attention to her and tells her she’s pretty (read more here). Now, as stated in the playbook, Katy Perry is now in love with him. Radar Online reports:

“Katy’s friends and family haven’t taken to John at all, in fact they are worried that she is headed for heartbreak,” a source reveals. “She’s been telling everybody who cares to listen how great John is and it’s clear that she is totally in love with him. “At first, she was quite careful with John and said she wasn’t ready for a relationship and just wanted to have fun. But now she appears to have fallen dangerously in love with him and her friends are concerned. “Despite the fiery image Katy likes to present, she’s actually more fragile than that, and when John dumped her a few weeks after they first got together she was devastated. “Now that she has invested more feelings in John and has let her guard down, there’s only one way this can end… in disaster!” the source predicts.

John (Man): “Let’s date.” Katy (Woman): “I just wanna haaavve fuunn.” John (Man): “Later.” Katy (Woman): “PLEEASSE COME BACK I LOVE YOU!!” This conversation has been taking place since the beginning of time (except for in the cases which the conversation is reversed and the man chops the woman up and puts her in a shoebox), but John Mayer banged her for a few weeks and now he’s done. Until he wants to bang her again, and to do that, all he has to do is text her and ask if she wants to come over and watch a movie. It’s all pretty basic stuff really.

I get the feeling John has this memorized and/or on flashcards: