Jessica Simpson Finally Had The Damn Thing

In case you missed it, Jessica Simpson gave birth yesterday to a 9 pound, 13 ounce female human thing and named her Maxwell Drew. Again, a 9 pound baby female named Maxwell.

E! Online reports:

“Eric and I are elated to announce the birth of our baby girl, Maxwell Drew Johnson,” states the announcement on Jessica’s official site. The little lady arrived weighing 9 pounds, 13 ounces and measuring 21 3/4 inches…

9 pounds? That must be some kind of misprint. Look at that banner picture. Was the baby in a suit of armor? There’s no way the doctor didn’t have a tranquilizer gun and nurses weren’t stabbing at it with one of those poles with a collar at the end and surgical tech wasn’t throwing it raw meat.