Russell Brand Is Making You Look Bad

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“I have a penis, mate. I can earn it back. Very well. On your bike.”

Historians will spend eternity trying to figure out how a marriage between a Jesus freak and a raging sex addict didn’t last, but unlike God, Russell Brand seems to be able to handle money. TMZ reports:

Russell Brand is one step closer to severing all ties with Katy Perry — because he’s surrendered his interest in the house they bought together while they were happily married — if they were ever really happily married. TMZ got hold of a quitclaim deed that Russell filed in L.A. … giving Katy all rights to the $6.5 million house — lock, stock and barrel…It’s further proof of what Russell said — that he doesn’t want a penny of Katy’s money and wants the split to go as amicably as possible … so far, so good.

When the divorce was announced, Brand turned down the $20 million he was entitled to after the marriage, and now he’s signing away the rights to another $7 million. This is news, of course, because if Katy Perry was a man and Russell Brand was a woman, Brand would have already taken out a second mortgage to hire a divorce attorney and air time for a press conference with Gloria Allred. Because, as we all know, women are motivated by money and everything to do with money. Watch Beauty and Beast. Women are cool with Stockholm Syndrome as long as the dude has his own castle.