Halle Berry Doesn’t Want You To Know How Crazy She Is


By all accounts (my penis), Halle Berry is one of the most beautiful women to have ever walked the Earth. She always came across as graceful, funny, and never seemed to take herself too seriously. So it was always odd when every relationship she was in ended with the guy either beating the living shit out of her or cheating on her the first chance he got. Then she met model Gabriel Aubrey and they had a daughter. Then they split. Then came the child custody battle. Then we realized Halle Berry is batshit and basically Mel Gibson except with way better tits. She’s accused him of being a racist (even though he willingly had sex with Halle Berry), she’s accused him of beating a nanny (a police report was filed but the Los Angeles City Attorney declined to press charges), when that didn’t work she tried to move to France and cut Aubry out all together (ain’t happening). During this time, Aubry has remained quiet and has done anything he possibly can to spend time with his daughter and find ways to pay for his seemingly insurmountable legal fees that Berry hopes to bury him with. Looks like he’s found a way. Radar Online reports:

Halle Berry is working hard to lock her ex-boyfriend and baby daddy, Gabriel Aubry, into a non-disclosure agreement to prevent the Canadian born model from spilling all about their tumultuous relationship, RadarOnline.com is exclusively reporting. But, it’s going to cost her dearly, as a source tells RadarOnline.com that Gabriel is sick of being portrayed as “an abusive father, a racist and a fool” and is planning to hit Halle where it hurts — in the wallet. As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Aubry is being urged by his friends to write a tell-all book about his relationship with Berry. And, although he is wary as he wishes to spare the feelings of the warring couple’s daughter, Nahla, a source close to the situation says he has been approached by publishers offering high six figures. “Gabe has finally woken up and is going for the money because he knows there is no way he can fight to keep his daughter without it,” the source says. “If he doesn’t get the money he wants from Halle, he is going to go ahead a write a tell-all. Gabe has two separate high six figure offers on the table from NY publishers. Halle is terrified of this happening; it’s her worst nightmare come true — and she’s talking settlement money but locking Gabe into a non disclosure deal. So one way or another he’s going to get paid.

I could go on and on about double standards and how an unmarried father might as well have the same rights as a stranger on the street in the eyes of the law, but I think Paul said it best in his letter to the Corinthians: “Bitches be crazy.”