Lindsay Is Hosting SNL

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You know, because everybody wants to see a used up cokewhore’s dilated pupils in HD. Sounds like a good time. Us Magazine reports:

She may not be landing big screen roles at the moment, but Lindsay Lohan has just nabbed a major gig! On March 3, the 25-year-old will make her return to Saturday Night Live where she will host for the evening. Jack White will be the musical guest. This will be Lohan’s fourth time on the NBC late night show — her first since 2006. The SNL producers should have a ton of material to work with, beings that Lohan has been through a lot since she last hit the stage in NYC’s Rockefeller Center.

Wow, that opening sentence seems way more optimistic that it probably should. She “may not be landing big screen roles at the moment”, because she can’t even be bonded to play a game of checkers right now. This will in no way help Lindsay make any sort of comeback and, at best, she’ll get through the show without trying to snort her actual lines on the cue card.