Charlize Theron Wears Cutlets And Didn’t Have Teeth Until She Was 8

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In an interview with W Magazine, Charlize Theron that she wears a padded a bra and that her two front teeth rotted out when she was a kid. Anybody masturbating yet?

Like the “cutlets.” Mavis wears flesh-­colored glue-on gel-filled “breasts” over her real ones.

I wear those! If you don’t have boobs, you wear those cutlets. I heard a story of a girl who was on a date, started making out, and thought, Oh, he’s going to touch the cutlets! So she went to the bathroom to take them off, but her purse was too small to put them in there. I always thought that was a funny image, a woman not knowing what to do with these things that you stick onto your boobs. It’s just the most bizarre, unsexy thing there is—so I added that to Mavis.

Growing up in South Africa, were you always tall and blonde and beautiful?

For the first eight years of my life, I didn’t have front teeth. I was pretty sick as an infant, and antibiotics rotted them. But then I started to take dance classes, and I eventually got some teeth [laughs]. When I was 16, I went to Milan to model.

I hope this isn’t some big scheme and diabolical ploy to make me not want to have unprotected sex with her. Because I still would. Or protected sex. The letter I wrote to her didn’t really specify I guess. Haha, let’s see your lawyers get around that loophole, Charlize!