Happy National Eating Disorder Day, Ladies!

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The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show aired last night, and if you’re unsure what that is, it’s when female physical perfection prance around in lingerie while you stab yourself in the leg with your keys because you really want to finish that tray of cupcakes. Because you don’t look like them. And you probably never will. It’s ok, though. I’m sure your boyfriend loves you in sweatpants and doesn’t think about Miranda Kerr when he’s having sex with you. I’m sure of it.

Miranda Kerr, Lily Aldridge, and Alessandra Ambrosio at the VS Viewing Party. I get a lot of comments saying they’re not real women. I didn’t know that. They must be some kind of sexy robots.