Pippa Middleton Is Single

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Dear God today is boring, so here I am posting shit about Pippa Middleton. This somehow feels wrong with it being Veteran’s Day and all. Radar Online reports:

Her Royal Hotness’ is single – and ready to mingle. Yes, Pippa Middleton, the stunning younger sis of Kate Middleton, is back on the market, after breaking up with her long-term boyfriend, Alex Loudon, after a string of bad arguments. The Duchess of Cambridge has reportedly been consoling Pippa, 27, who dated the hunky Loudon, 31, for three years. “Pippa tried to get over the split by spending last weekend with Wills and Kate at [Scottish royal residence] Balmoral,” a source told UK’s The Sun. “She and Alex split briefly in the summer, but this time it’s over. They are barely speaking.”…The source added, “It was said after the wedding that Alex was jealous of Pippa flirting with Prince Harry. But the truth is, she and Harry are just [friends].”

So to recap, an almost 30 ugly chick with a giant forehead and a flat ass is single now because she may or may not have been flirting with her cousin? Oh, baby. Where do I sign up to get some of this? Do I need special stationary and a quill pen to send her an invite to “tap dat ass”? To be honest, all I really know about England is what I see in movies.