Gwyneth Paltrow Is Such A Delight

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Earlier this month, Gwyneth Paltrow did an interview with Elle to show she’s a regular person just like me and you. Because don’t you just hate it when your concierge in Paris sends you to a restaurant that doesn’t have organic wine? Of course you do. We’ve all been there. But in her recent interview with Elle Decor, where they asked her to give a list of “things she couldn’t live without”, Paltrow just said fuck it and spewed the most elitist, pretentious shit you will read today. Please keep in mind that this is A LIST OF THINGS SHE CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT:

1. De Gournay Hand-Painted Wallpaper

I indulged with one wall in my London living room covered in a gorgeous pattern.

2. Seasonal Flowers

I like single-variety arrangements—peonies, hydrangeas, and white lilies—casually arranged.

3. Darren Almond’s Photography

His arresting, large-scale artwork brings a sense of majesty to a room.

4. Charles Edwards Star Lanterns

I hung three of these at different levels in the stair hall so that we could pass them on our way up to bed at night.

5. Antonio Lupi Baia Tub

It’s in the middle of my bedroom—perfect for a relaxing wind-down and for bathing the kids.

6. Juxtaposed: Religion Shelf

Built-in slots hold holy books—including the Qur’an, Bible, and Tao Te Ching—all at the same level (which is how I like to think about religion).

7. Clothbound Penguin Classics

These gorgeous editions make the books so tempting to pick up, again and again. The ultimate cure for sore muscles.

8. YUBZ Retro Handset

A handset cuts down on cellphone radiation. I use this one for my BlackBerry calls.

While you’re trying to figure out how to pay your mortgage or waiting for Red Cross to call you back, I dare you to Google the prices for any of this shit then not punch a wall or stab an orphan. You can’t. Because no other reasonable reaction exists.