Ryan Reynolds Has Been Banging This “For Months”

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Charlize Theron? Yes, I’d agree that this is an upgrade. No further questions.” – Ryan Reynolds’ penis’ imaginary press conference. Us Magazine reports:

A source tells the new issue of Us Weekly (out Wednesday) that the Green Lantern star, 34, and Charlize Theron, 35, “have been dating — for months! They’re exclusive, and it’s very hush-hush.” While the two haven’t been photographed together, a witness noticed Reynolds’ motorcycle at Theron’s home all morning on June 5, then saw the actor exit her house around 3 p.m. — and she left just minutes later. Has Reynolds (who split from wife Scarlett Johansson last December) found a perfect match? “They’re both career-focused,” explains the source, “but not in a crazy way.” For instance, don’t expect to see the stars side-by-side on a red carpet. “She won’t go to an event with him,” the insider says of Theron, who split with love of nine years Stuart Townsend in 2010. “That’s not her style.”

Ryan Reynolds and Scarlett Johansson announced their split on December 10, 2010 and Reynolds filed for divorce 17 days later, because you can’t be accused of cheating on your wife is she’s not your wife. Everybody knows this.